10 Things That Are Better Than Sex - Xclusive Touch
Food Burger Better Than Sex Inside Of Me

10 Things That Are Better Than Sex

I know what you’re thinking. 10 things better than sex?

Better Than Sex Fucking Kidding Me Angry Woman

But before you give me the usual: “Better than sex? Honey, you must be doing it wrong” let me take you for a walk down better-than-sex-lane.


Cheese spray TV food binge better than sex

“Sweet dreams are made of cheese. Who am I do dis a Bree?”

The Internet

Olsen Twins Computer Laptop Smile Internet

No? Given the choice between a fortnight without the Internet and a fortnight without sex, which would you pick?

A 75% Off Sale

Leonardo DiCaprio Wolf Of Wall Street Money Throwing Movie

When you find something you like. And they actually have your size *mini orgasm*

Take my money, just take it.

Finally Removing A Piece Of Food From Your Teeth

Frodo Lord Of The Rings It's Over It's Done Relief Happy

There is nothing more satisfying than dislodging a piece of food which has been stuck in your teeth for what seems like a small eternity. It’s pretty much on the same level as making it to the toilet after you’ve been holding your pee for a really long time and taking your bra off after a long day.

Getting A Re-Tweet

Lacey Chabert Mean Girls Popular

You’re funny. Getting a re-tweeted proves that. Why? Because making yourself laugh doesn’t count.

Winning The Lottery

Money Rain Bed Rich Happy Lottery

Or just as unlikely… getting a pay rise.

Having A “Fat Day”

Joey Tribiani Friends Fridge Broke Ate Everything

To explain “fat day” to anyone who has never dieted in their life, it goes a little bit like this:
“Oh a cookie”
*takes a bite*
“Oh well, I’ve ruined my diet now, better eat everything in the house so there’s no temptation for when I start it again tomorrow”.

Being Successfully Sarcastic

Christina Yang Greys Anatomy Insult Sarcasm

My life pretty much consists of endless hilarious and witty comebacks… two hours after I needed them. Actually pulling off well placed sarcasm = self-five.

Drinking Wine And Judging People

Drinking Wine Judging People Tastes Like Love Alcohol

What if you’re drinking wine and judging people with the person you later get to have sex with? Whilst eating cheese. And internet sale shopping. Well that my friends is the holy grail.

A 3am Big Mac After A Night Out

Food Burger Better Than Sex Inside Of Me

Or a chicken nuggets. Or chicken nuggets inside a Big Mac. Don’t look at me like that, it’s a common known fact that food tastes better after 3am. The greasier and cheaper the better. And trust me, at least you don’t have to buy a Big Mac three glasses of wine to persuade it to go home with you.

Still don’t think any of this stuff is better than sex?

No Shake Head Read Hair Afro

Well, at the very least, they’re pretty damn close.



Have your say