The 10 types of men to avoid in a club
The club is the single woman’s playground and whilst most say they go out for ‘fun’ we all know they’re really there for business; the man hunting business to be exact. Every club from Avalon to Funky Buddha is a breeding ground for single well-dressed men and despite what they may tell you, the single ladies don’t just flock there in their sex-me-now stilettos for the fancy looking cocktails.
Whilst some women say “I’d never date a guy I met in a club” clever girls know the truth, that the men in clubs are showered, shaved and suited up making it the perfect pick up point.
Plus, they don’t call alcohol a ‘social lubricant’ for nothing, three Mai Thai’s down the hatchet later and our confidence is to the power of three too. As unfortunately is our judgement.
So, when in any alcohol induced doubt here are the men you should most definitely avoid in a club:
1. The guy who greets you with an arse pinch. What? It’s loud… how else was he supposed to get your attention? I don’t care. He can dance in circles around you for all I care. Tap you on the shoulder, pretend to choke on the olive from his martini… anything except for the arse pinch.
2. The guy who seems to be there alone. Unless he’s Ryan Gosling… Ryan Gosling has full permission from the entire female population to hang out in bars and clubs alone, picking up any women he likes. If it’s anyone else it’s creepy.
3. The guy who has more than 3 buttons undone on his shirt. Fuck. That. I don’t care if he’s spent the last 6 consecutive days in the gym, I don’t care if he freshly waxed his chest for the occasion, it’s still a no. This goes hand in hand with men who wear shoes with tassels on them and men who don the very very deep-v tee. Don’t chat them up, they should not be encouraged.
4. The guy who tries to get you to buy him a drink. Most women have stopped expecting men to buy them drinks. Mostly because, since men cottoned on to the fact they can get girls numbers without pouring more tequila down them, they’ve pretty much stopped offering anyway. That’s not to say we feel the urge to return the favour for all times we were bought the occasional beverage. “So what you getting me” is not an acceptable pick up line when you’re standing by the bar, unless it’s tap water he wants he can move along.
5. The guy who tells you to add him on Facebook. If a guy asks you to add him on Facebook instead of asking for your number, there is one of three possible explanations: a) he’s drunk and needs to have a way of checking you’re not ugly tomorrow morning b) he has a girlfriend and can’t risk her seeing texts from another girl c) he recently uploaded a topless selfie and wants you to see it.
6. The guy who was previously chatting up your best friend. Most girls are bitches, they don’t always mean to be, but they are. I shouldn’t have to specify that you should avoid the dude that was chatting up your friend earlier in the night, but apparently it’s not a given. The chances are he’ll be chatting someone else up after you too.
7. The guy who knows all the bartenders by first name. Unless he is a promoter, works at the club or owns the place it’s probably not a great sign if he’s on first name basis with all the bar staff. I’m as sociable as the next girl, but I don’t want to date a guy who can’t stay at home one Friday night because “Macey” the barmaid at Shaka Zulu will wonder where he is.
8. The guy who brags about being arrested that one time. Women can’t resist a bad boy: correction, women can’t resist someone that looks like a bad boy, a few tattoos (oh yeah) maybe a cheeky piercing and dark broody eyes. But actual bad boys are too much for most of us to handle. No one wants to date that one guy who always gets dragged out of the club by bouncers at the end of the night because he used his empty vodka bottle for something other than posing for pictures with.
9. The guy who is brilliant at eye contact… with your breasts. If you’ve got a great rack and you’re wearing a low cut dress you can’t blame a guy for looking… once, twice hell even three times. But if it’s getting the point where he has a better chance of describing your cleavage line than your face, just forget it. Most guys are after just one thing in a club, but at least pick one that’s better at hiding it.
10. The man who thinks he can dance, but can’t. Whilst the ability to dance well is an attractive one to find in a guy, we know we can’t have it all. Well dressed, good looks, fat wallet AND the ability to dance well? What are the chances? I mean one can hope but we won’t hold our breaths. That being said there’s nothing worse than a guy who keeps trying to dance up against you with moves like Carlton Banks. It’s hard enough dancing under the influence of a few Jack and Coke’s in 6 inch stilettos without someone swinging their arms into your back. If he doesn’t have moves like Jagger that’s fine, just make sure he keeps the moves he has got at least three feet away from you at all times.
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