10 Ways To Make A Speedy Exit After A One Night Stand
One night stands. We’ve all done them, we’ve all regretted them and we’ve all had to face that awkward moment when making an exit the next morning seems harder than climbing Mount Everest in your underwear.
The problem is most excuses for a quick disappearance have been so overused they’re now barely believable. So here’s some ideas for updating your little black book of excuses so that you’re able to make that speedy exit the morning after the night before . Just because you’re a complete bitch/dick, doesn’t mean you can’t be inventive.
1. “Oh my God! ____(insert name here) was in an accident!”
The morning after call (or text) is an all time classic that will never fail you. You’ll be given the benefit of the doubt if what come out your mouth is: “my friend’s boyfriend’s second cousin’s aunt.”
Key words here is hospital, so you can also blame the other person of being an inconsiderate bastard, supposing, of course, they care to listen.
2. “Sorry, hun. I have some baby momma drama”
There will not be much time for reactions and you’ll be free as a bird.
3. “I love you”
Better known as the Ted Mosby, this trick will never let you down. Try not to laugh as you watch your one night stand grimace in terror and make your exit with a light conscience.
4. “Do you want to meet my parents?”
This one’s to be used by girls only. Demonstration of some sort of excitement is necessary. Results are guaranteed.
Heads up: If you get a “yes” scroll down to number 10.
5. “What’s the time? Shit! I’m getting married in five hours!”
This one may require some good acting skills but will grant you a faster than light exit.
6. “I gotta go. I need to get my prescription meds.”
Drop a hint about schizophrenia and how well you’re coping with it and you’ll save yourself from future awkward moments of having to say “hi” in random encounters.
7. “Where are we? Oh, no! My ex lives next door and I am violating my restraining order.”
And you’re out the door, no questions asked.
8. “Seeing you in the light, I’ve reconsidered.”
Last resort line for those who just don’t get it!
9. “No, I mean, seriously, that was really horrible.”
The gif really says it all.
10. If all fails and the art of persuasion is useless, just run.