10 Ways To Tell He Isn't Well Endowed... - Xclusive TouchXclusive Touch
jay cartwright inbetweeners holiday t tshirts

10 Ways To Tell He Isn’t Well Endowed…

No one likes to be disappointed, least of all in the bedroom because ladies, size really does matter. Let’s think about this way; you’re in McDonalds and you’ve been craving that Big Mac all day thought about it long and hard, you are desperately hungry for that Big Mac. You’ve ordered it, got it in your hands, about to unwrap it, peeling away the layers and it ends up being a teeny weeny chicken nugget instead. What the F*CK! That kind of surprise will ruin your day. To give you a helping hand at how to avoid having your appetite truly destroyed, here are my 10 pointers to tell if he really isn’t packing the goods.

 1. He could easily be confused for a Ken Doll

ken doll

Tight jeans; the perfect opportunity to try and take a sneaky peak to see what’s lurking below that zipper and Calvin Klein’s. Only it ends up being not such a sly glance, but a full on mammoth stare because you can’t make out the damn thing.

 2. Taking the longer option in the toilet

lip urinals

As girls the option to walk in, giving it a quick undo, aim in bowl and you’re done sounds like a pretty good deal. Which is why the only reasons a lad would use a cubicle is one; because of ‘you know what’ and two; because he’s afraid of causing everyone else in there a heart attack from laughing so hysterically at his tiny todger.

 3. He drives a huge car


At first thought the idea of a huge car can sound pretty sweet. But let’s think about it. Has that humongous new Range Rover been bought because he just loves to drive up winding country roads and mountains, or is it to over compensate for his may-as-well be missing boner. If he lives in the city and you know that he isn’t an outdoorsy type, it’s time to get out of there.

4. He’s extremely arrogant


Every girl loves a bad boy with his cocky charm and his wild good looks, motorbike and leather jacket optional. When this cocky charm because borderline tw*t, and he truly believes that he is god’s gift to all of mankind, mainly any hot women then there is often a chance that the bravado is simply a ploy to compensate for a distinct lack of length.

 5. Likes to shout about it


 When someone is trying to get one over on us, it’s pretty easy to tell – the story goes on and on, as another lie is told. Well, the same goes for when a guy talks about his main vein. If he’s shouting it from the rooftops, then it’s a sure fire way to tell he’s telling a big fat lie. Choosing to start a conversation about the downstairs, then he is most definitely, 100% telling a big fat lie. The ones that keep quiet, with a little smirk on their faces – they’re the ones to go for.

6. Does he own a Mr. Big Nob Tee?

jay cartwright inbetweeners holiday t tshirts

I’m all about creativity, a guy thats into fashion and occasionally customises his clothes is sexy. There’s a certain je ne sais pas to a man who is bold enough to wear something that really sets him aside from the crowd. All of that said a Tee with Mr Big-Nob screams Mr Missing-A-Couple-Of-Inches! We all know your secret Jay.

7. The size of his feet


He can actually fit into your size 5 trainers – and regularly does because his feet are so ridiculously small for a man his age.  A golden oldie in knowing if he’s worth a go – an oldie but a goodie, so don’t forgot to look down and check that sh*t out on your next date.

*Also no woman should be forced to have to share shoes it was bad enough when your little sister was doing it!

7. Constantly has his hands down his pants


You go to hold his hand, but he’s constantly down in his business having a good rummage around. If he’s spending a long time down there, it’s general because he thinks he may have lost the little porker in between everything else in his nether regions.

 8. Every girl he’s slept with says so


You haven’t been able to spot any of these tell tale signs so far, so you decide it’s time you did some primary research in the field. Don’t be fooled into thinking, his former conquest are just having you on. If over three say the same thing, then it isn’t just their eyesight and it’s time to run to the hills (or club – which ever has the most alcohol to get you over this trauma)

 9. “Is it in yet?”


You didn’t feel the need to get the word on his bedroom performance before hand, and you’re getting down to what should be the good stuff. Only problem, you can’t tell if he’s got the little thing in yet. Don’t be making that mistake again, and carry this trusty list around with you just to be safe.

 10. You invented the Duck-Face

alexis texas

Yes this was a travesty on multiple levels.

We’re sure there must be a few more tell signs that we missed out… Comment below and let us know your thoughts!




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