5 amazingly stupid things done on a night out
We’re almost all guilty of committing some scandalous and shameful acts whilst shit-faced on a night out, things we regret the next morning upon sobering up…that is if we still recall the sordid details of the night before.
I myself have been the central figure in a few of my own boozy shenanigans; having been ‘aggressively ejected’ from nearly every single nightclub in Edinburgh by an assortment of burly doormen, gone joy riding in Tesco trolleys and even hosted a night-time rooftop sing-a-long. You know, the usual stuff…
There is always a work colleague who every Monday without fail recounts some tale of a night out with the ‘homeboys’ going nuts on Jagerbombs…. YAWN, enough of that!
The following people have all exceeded, well… excess in itself. They went too far and made it their mission to paint the exploits in ‘The Hangover’ movies as scenes from Downton Abbey.
5. The French Connection
We’ve all woken up in some strange places after a night out: park benches, doorways, jail cells or new Bugatti’s if you’re Ace Hood.
One lad got a little more than he bargained for after taking a cab home after a heavy night and waking up in a public toilet with hazy memories of how he ended up there. Nothing too crazy so far… except that it happened to be in toilets at Charles de Gaulle airport… in Paris… he went out in Oldham.
The lad, Luke Harding, decided it would be a good idea after seeing an ad for cheap flights on his iPhone and finding his passport which he had been using as ID, he convinced the driver to drop him off at Manchester airport and boarded the plane under the pretense of being a medical student on his way to a convention. Upon waking he had no memory of the flight and had to convince friends back home of his adventurous blunder by posting selfies in front of the Eifel tower before anyone would arrange for him to come home. Fair to say his mother was unimpressed.
Luke Harding(@lukeharding1994), we salute you!
4. The low budget Hangover Remake
Recall that brilliant scene in ‘The Hangover’ where they decide to steal none other than Mike Tyson’s pet tiger? Well a group of 5 French teens live by that scene! They saw fit to get smashed and recreate it, luckily for them they remembered that tigers are fucking dangerous and that one foul move could mean having a limb bitten clean off by a pissed off, overgrown cat.
The teens decided their safest bet would be to skip the tiger cage and make off with the next best thing, something with all the ferocity of a tiger without the risk of having your face ripped from your skull… yeah, they went with a llama, snatching the poor beast from a nearby circus before taking it on a midnight, drunken tour of the city’s metro system like some sort of furry tourist, you read that right, they took the llama on the tube because apparently in France: Fuck barriers and ticket inspectors.
The next day they were arrested but then later released after CCTV footage of their jaunt with the llama went viral, I suppose that after passing a certain amount of Facebook likes crimes are legal.
Source : independent
So you’ve had a bit too much and now your bladder’s set to burst but the loo is nowhere to be found and you end up mistaking a postbox for a urinal, we’ve all been there.
That seems to be the very situation our man Jerry Patterson found himself in one day when he wandered into his local grocery store in Arkansas, U.S.A, completely warped on booze and decided to relieve himself all over $500 worth of chicken… he then followed that up by devouring a large pack of ham whole because screw the boundaries of society…
…and screw you too chicken.
Source: Fox 16
2. Boozy Shelby Figueroa lives real life ‘Grand Theft Auto’
Shelby Figueroa thought she was having a bad day when she crashed her red pick up into the back of a Sheriff Deputies car; unfortunately for her she was underage and boozed up. The officer promptly cuffed her and put her in the back of his cruiser.
“I swear officer sir (hic)… me? Drink drive? I nevva touched a drop…”
Unfortunately for him he had no way of knowing that Tequila slammers grant young women magical, Houdini like powers and cause them to believe they’ve crossed over into the virtual reality world of GTA (much like magic mushrooms are known to make people think they’re mustachioed Italian plumbers on a quest to slay an evil, fire-breathing dragon). Within moments, Shelby had managed to free herself from her shackles, hop into the driver’s seat and commandeer his cruiser.
As if underage drinking and drunk driving weren’t bad enough, Shelby decide to go hard-core and add evading arrest and theft of a police vehicle to her rap sheet. She was promptly chased down by officers and her wild night came to a sudden end when she crashed into a ditch and rolled the cruiser over.
Source: Daily Mail
1. Jack Sparrow in drag reclaims the Black Pearl
One day it occurred to British woman, Alison Whelan, that her life was dangerously devoid of drunken criminality and that the only solution would be to load up on cheap wine, get pissed out of her skull and take a trip to her local boat yard to steal a ferry, as you do.
Her excuse? She kept “tripping over the moorings.” So found it best to untie them, we can only assume that she was then spirited away onto the deck of the boat by the liquor fairies where she preceded to navigate the boat down river whist yelling:
“I’m Jack Sparrow.” And “I’m a pirate!”
at the top of her lungs to pursuing police. We like to think of Alison as wearing an eye-patch and wooden leg whilst cackling manically from behind the wheel of the ship, swigging a bottle of Lambrini in one hand.
To her defense she was also under the influence of a powerful hallucinogen known as Poison Nightshade, so thank you Alison Whelan, for dispelling the notion of boozy, troublemaking Brits and for proving that we can go harder than our tame American cousins by loading up on booze and drugs like some sort of crazed female Raoul Duke on a GTA-style rampage.