5 Signs You’ve Hit Adulthood
I once read that “we never really grow up; we just learn how to act in public”. If only this were the case. The truth is every morning we wake up, we are one day closer to becoming our mothers and fathers.
It’s a steady decline into adulthood and at best we can learn to look out for the signs and fend off old age as long as possible. Learn to say “no” when your head says “let’s stay home tonight” and say “yes” when your friends ask “would you like another drink” because staying young is a matter of perseverance.
Up until recently I never really understood why Peter Pan wanted to ditch Wendy and live in Neverland with the mermaids. Now I understand Peter wasn’t a commitment-phobe with a strange passion for crocodile fighting, he was a man with a plan; which is what we’re going to need if we’re going to avoid the aging process as long as humanly possible.
Get yourself some anti-wrinkle cream, smear it on and pay attention. When trying to figure out how far into adulthood you’ve slipped these are the signs you need to look out for:
1. You’re actually happy when you get asked for I.D
I always embarrass my friends by gushing at bouncers when they ask for proof of age “oh thank you sir” he looks confused “I’ve got no one but the Clarins range to thank for my youthful face” then turn to my best friend “I think he thinks I might be under 18”. She says they I.D. everyone but I don’t believe that for a second.
You see, when you turn 18 getting asked for proof of I.D is embarrassing. When you’re 24 being asked for your drivers licence on the way in to Avalon is about as big a compliment as a girl can get.
2. You ask your friends why the music is so “unsociably loud” in the Club
Once you actually get into the club, if the first thing you want to do is find a nice table as far away from the speakers as possible, then all I can say is, get yourself a glass of champagne and toast your new found adult-hood, you’re another fifth of the way there.
One for the girls now: if you’ve swapped your usual sexy dress and six inch heels for leggings and “more comfortable footwear” then I’m sorry to tell you this, but things are looking irreversible. I suggest you go get another piercing or something equally drastic to claw back a few more years of youth.
3. Your idea of a great night out is going to a restaurant
Don’t get me wrong I love an Italian on a Thursday night as much as the next foodie, but if every time you discuss weekend plans with your friends, you’re the first to suggest “going for a nice meal” then it’s probably another one of those pesky signs that you’re getting older.
Don’t let me make you feel bad about yourself, it could be worse, it’s not until you start suggesting “watching TV with a nice cup of tea” that things are really dire.
4. You have a job you hate
When I was young my motto was “let’s have fun, we have our whole lives to work”. My new motto is “omg I should have a flourishing career by now” coupled with “how the hell does one afford a mortgage in this economic climate”?!
If that sounds like you, then here are some pointers which could suggest you’ve grown up: a) Use of the word “flourishing” b) Use of the phrase “economic climate” c) Actually knowing anything about the economic climate d) Wanting a job.
Sure, being able to hold down a job isn’t an exact sign of maturity, but if you find yourself turning up to it every single day despite hating it, then congratulations you’re a grown up.
5. You worry about dying alone
I should start by saying: when you worry it shows up on your face, so stop it, frown lines are not going to help us in the venture to capture ever-lasting youth.
One of the beauties of being young is that you don’t have to worry about how your life is going to pan out. You wonder but you never worry. It’s not until you get a bit older that it occurs to you that you don’t have as much time as you thought you did. Birthdays no longer become about adding another year onto your age, instead they turn into a countdown of how many viable years you have left before you have to settle down.
You’re not the only one counting either. I’ve had to stop visiting my grandma just so I don’t have to answer her weekly “why aren’t you married” survey questions. Luckily for me, I don’t complete the pie-chart of “adulthood” just yet, because marriage still scares me about as much as wearing flat shoes to a club.
If however, getting a Harry Winston diamond on your left hand is next on your life to-do list, coupled with the other 4 points listed above, I think it’s safe to say that you’ve reached the point of never return when it comes to your youth.
If it makes you feel better being an adult does come with a few perks: better health care, a pension plan and being able to drink wine at home on a weeknight without anyone telling you off.