Your 5 Step Guide To Spotting A Basic Chick
Women everywhere have been struck down with what I like to call ‘Beyonce Fever’. God knows the amount of times I’ve listened to one of Queen B’s albums or watched a video of hers and been inspired, not just because of my ridiculous girl crush, but because of her success and because she is an icon for female empowerment.
There is however an inherent problem with ‘Beyonce Fever’ and with so many women being afflicted by it. There are some very basic chicks out there that have kicked off their fake Loubs and jumped on the flawless bandwagon. Simply listening to Queen B, knowing the words to all of her songs and which filter works best does NOT elevate you from basic chick level.
Chances are they’re still waking up with a face caked in yesterdays make up, sleep encrusted eyes and disjointed weave tracks all to the tune of Flawless in a flat somewhere south of the river before a night spent gallivanting around some of the hottest clubs in London waving their ringless fingers at the most basic of guys that happen to be standing next to a table and bottle of Grey Goose.
Let’s all be honest with ourselves here, those Insta posts are more often than not a lie! There are very few of us women that are fortunate enough to wake up truly flawless, forgive me for my blasphemy but I wouldn’t be surprised if Jay Z hasn’t woken up to Beyonce looking at the very least a tad dishevelled once or twice before. Enough is really enough, basic chicks have been lying to us for far too long.
Here’s your 5 step guide to spotting a basic chick.
1. The Selfie Overloads On Instagram
Your timeline is constantly flooded with pictures of the same girl in pretty similar locations. I get it you have a lot of time to kill before you hit the club but god damn it, do you have to bore us with your endless shameless selfies? Not to mention the same duck face and the endless gang signs you’re always throwing up. Selfie mania is vast becoming a basic chicks best friend… God help us all.
2. She Will ONLY Go On Dates In Expensive Restaurants
If you are constantly hearing the words ‘STK’ or ‘Ju Ju Bar’, please act with caution. Basic chicks will always always want to eat in places that are out of their league. Staying in your lane is concept that basic chicks just don’t seem to grasp.
Manchester United’s Adnan Januzaj was publicly outed by a basic chick in the a national newspaper all because he took her on a first date to Nando’s. Sure I doubt that any woman would be happy going to Nando’s on a first date but selling your story for a quick buck?? Pretty basic.
3. She Was A Moth In A Previous Life
Basic chicks, like moths are very much attracted to bright lights. The moment a waitress brings over the bottles of premium vodka and champagne accompanied by the a mini fireworks display your table will be surrounded by a legion of basic chicks. Often she will have got her Usain on and travelled from the other side of the club in record time all whilst following the bright lights of the sparklers.
4. She Honestly Believes That Her Man Cannot Do Better
Sometimes it’s best to just say things in your head as opposed to on national TV.
5. She Tells You She’s A Model
So you ask her the all important ‘career’ question and she responds by telling you she’s a model. First of all be sure to check that she is between a size 6-10, over 5ft 8ins and you have seen her front a campaign that’s been in Vogue, Harper’s Bazar or Tatler. If not then in true Maury style ‘The lie detector said… that was a lie.’
It’s fine saying your a model, only if you have the credentials to back it up. You aren’t fooling anyone with those throwbacks pics of the model shoots you went to and paid for after being ‘scouted’ at your local shopping centre.
If any of the above apply to you, it’s time to make that change. There really is no point trying to be something you’re not. God loves a trier but then there are some that take this ‘trying’ thing overboard and often find themselves dedicating their time and energies to all the wrong things.
Being confident, loving yourself and having drive is great, provided it’s done chasing the right goals.