5 Things You Should Never Say On A First Date
First impressions come around once. With this in mind, I think the common consensus is that people tend to bring their best selves to a first date. By this logic, it’s fair to say that whatever you’re getting on date number one, is pretty much as good as it gets. You bring your best self, she brings her best self and then (if all goes well) it’s a slow and unattractive decline into marriage from there.
I’m getting ahead of myself of course; marriage is a long way away. We’re young and well, most of us can’t even master a simple first date, let alone the next 50 odd years that follow.
You see on a first date both parties tend to come as a slightly saner, less clingy but much smarter alter egos. If your dates are a tad crazy on the first date, then picture the madness when they’re not holding back?
You might be reading this nodding in agreement, but I could well be talking about you!
My friends for example are smart, attractive, I might even go as far as saying witty individuals and yet date after date they come back and ask me “it’s been three day’s why hasn’t she text me” or “he seems really off in his messages”.
They ponder why they are so unlucky in love and insist how well the first date went. It’s not until they re-tell some of their conversations that the problem becomes clear… there are some things you just don’t say on a first date, at least not if you want to go on a second one.
Some people think that their great genes will compensate for their not so great conversation. Let me be clear, this is only the case if you’re on a first date with someone else who is also lacking in the conversation department. In which case by all means enjoy your date, be beautiful together and say what you wish, chances are neither of you are listening to what the other has to say anyway.
If you’re part of the rest of the population who, hot or not, can carry a conversation, then here are some topics to avoid on a first date:
1. Money: Especially if you have it. This is a common blunder for the men, which is ironic because they’re always moaning about girls who only want them for their money. If you gentlemen all want to attract a nice self-sufficient lady, then why don’t you all stop talking about how much money you earn? Don’t pick her up in a Golf whilst acting like you drive a Maserati and then complain to your boys when she doesn’t offer to split the bill.
2. Your Ex: A problem that guys and girls face when it comes to first dates. Let’s be clear, ‘damaged’ and ‘emotionally scarred’ are not the words that should come to your dates mind when asked to describe you. Your ex might well have been a bit of a twat. I don’t care. He or she could have been the living embodiment of Satan himself, I still don’t care. First dates should be fun and playful, not a reminder of how terribly the last relationship ended.
3. Phones: Normally on a first date I would say no phones, but the chances of that actually happening is slim, so instead I have a few important rules.
If their phone beeps do not ask “who is that?” Do not be that person. No one wants a nosy, clingy, controlling partner and you should definitely try and keep that side of your personality under wraps until they like you too much to dump you for it.
Don’t tweet about the date, whilst on the date. In fact don’t Facebook, Instagram or Snapchat it either. You can text your mum if you like, but under the table when your date nips to the loo. It ends there.
Oh and whilst we are on the subject, don’t bring up anything you read about them online. We know you both web-stalked each other before you came out, but at least have the decency to pretend that’s not true.
4. The future: This one is more for the ladies. Any derivative of the “where is this going” or “I need to know if there’s a future” conversation is a NO. He can’t possibly know from date number one if he likes you or not and that kind of talk isn’t going to help either. Your clock might be ticking but if you bring up ‘the future’ I promise you the only clock he’ll be interested in is the one on the wall behind you, as he wonders if it’s too late to swiftly wrap this up and still catch Match of the Day.
5. Sex: You’re thinking about it, she’s thinking about it, the waitress who has been watching the two of you play footsie under the table all night is also thinking about it. That doesn’t mean you need to talk about it.
It’s a bit like the first kiss… just because you’re hoping the food isn’t the only thing that’s French about the evening, doesn’t mean you have to come out and say it.
Ladies: you don’t need to tell a guy you’re not going to sleep with him on a first date. He’ll figure it out when he takes his penis home unused. Gents: You don’t need to tell her how well-endowed you are, if all goes well she’ll eventually get to see that for herself. And lastly, neither of you need to ask how many people the other has slept with. What’s the point? Whatever the answer, it will be too low or too high or too much of a buzz-kill to want to continue the evening.