The 8 Words Everyone In A Relationship Dreads Hearing: “Baby… I Think I’m Going Magaluf This Year”
It’s all fun and games during winter. And then the sun comes out and you hear the 8 words you’ve been dreading ever since you saw that Thompson Holidays ad on TV a few weeks back:
“Baby… I think I’m going Magaluf this year”.
You’ve only been dating a few months, you were blissfully happy whilst it was cold and raining outside and you were snuggled up in bed together. Of course now that London’s woken up from the winter the months you find yourself spending less time snuggling in front of the TV watching Xfactor or the Voice and more time doing your ‘own thing’.
The parties have started and with them… come the problems. You though it was bad your gf/bf would spend most weekend’s out clubbing, that was until they told they told you they would be venturing to parties whole oceans away…
**Girls Reactions To When Their Boyfriend’s Say They’re Going On A Clubbing Holiday**
No to the hot girls in bikini’s. No to the clubbing. No to the strip clubs. And no to the printed t-shits. No, no, no! Men cannot be trusted at the best of times, let alone when they’re 3.5k miles away under the influence of alcohol and their single best friends.
It doesn’t matter how loving your boyfriend might be, we’ve all heard the “what happens in… stays in….” bro codes enough times to realize what goes on abroad.
“If He Books Those Tickets, We’re Breaking Up”
You can tell from my serious face that this isn’t just emotional blackmail. Because while he might claim that he’d “never cheat” when it comes to love, most men live by one rule, and one rule only… “out of sight, out of mind”.
Well of course he did. All the boys are going and he didn’t want to seem like he was whipped. It doesn’t matter that a general Friday night involves him giving you back massages while watching Grey’s Anatomy with you. As far as his “boys” are concerned he’s the man and you don’t lay down the law in this relationship.
So I guess you’re going to just have to break it off with him…
But what’s that? You’re having second thoughts about breaking up over this?
You’re right… the holiday’s not for another three months. Who knows what might happen between now and then. The cheap airline they booked their tickets with might go bust, the island that they’re visiting might pull a Titanic and just sink, or hell he might even break his leg and be unable to go.
Yes, for now stay calm, fake supportive-ness and go book a girls holiday to spite him.
And in the mean time, bitch to every friend that will listen about the likelihood of him keeping his manhood to himself for the 7 days he’s in Shagaluf, or whatever other ridiculous holiday spot that you’ve seen on Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents that he’s decided to visit.
“Oh don’t worry” you say “I’ll find out if he’s cheated… the truth always comes out”. Well no, it does not. But fear not, if his friends are smart enough not to upload any pictures of him with his tongue down another girls throat onto Facebook, there’s always the Jeremy Kyle lie detector test as a last resort.
Who says romance is dead, eh?
**Guys Reactions When Their Girlfriends Say They’re Going On A Clubbing Holiday**
Step one: denial. She barely ever goes out and suddenly she wants to go clubbing. In another country?!
Typical winter relationship syndrome. You don’t really know a woman my friend, until you’ve known her for a full 12 months. Winter her and summer her are two totally different women.
Most women are summer clubbers. Sure we might go out occasionally in winter, but there’s nothing more depressing than two hours of hair, makeup and false eyelash application, only to be rained on in the queue and spend the rest of the night in the toilet trying to de-frizz our hair under the toilet’s one hand drier.
Summer is a whole different ball game. We have to make up for all the lost time. So I hope you enjoyed your Saturday night snuggles all winter long, because now summer’s here, they’re being demoted to “Sunday morning hangover hugs”.
Men are mostly paranoid about girls holiday’s because they have a full vivid image of what happens on lads trips. And whilst they’d like to believe it’s sensible dinners and bed by midnight on the girls vacation, somehow, they doubt it.
I’ve seen the live play of this. It goes like this:
Him: “You don’t need to go Malia, go to Italy instead, it’s much nicer. I tell you what, forget your girls, I’ll take you”.
Her: “We can do that too”.
Him: “Please get the hint!”
Then come the water works. Every ladies go-to card in a failing argument. The shouting didn’t work so maybe this will.
And now you feel like a d***.
Months of complete faithfulness and sandwich making and you can’t trust her on a little mini break with her friends. What kind of man have you become? The kind that can’t go 5 days without seeing his girlfriend? You make yourself sick. Maybe it will do you both some good to have a little space.
(Her words of course, but you think they’re yours. Women are clever like that).
But none of this cut-out-sides or two piece shit. She’s wearing a full on swimming costume and maybe a swimming cap too.
In fact, maybe you should just offer to help her pack her suitcase. She’ll think you’re being supportive and sweet, but really you’re there to monitor what she can and cannot wear while you’re not around. Solid plan.