8 Reasons Social Media Shouldn’t Feature in Your Night
Never ever, ever use Social Media when you’re drunk. We’ve all sent texts that we’re not too overjoyed about after that last round of Jagerbombs or Tequilas. The upside of this? You embarrass yourself to one person; a solitary being that may laugh it off and view you as some sort of endearing drunkard. Depending on your friend count or followers, you could be making a big mistake in front of, literally, hundreds if not thousands of people. That’s the equivalent of turning off the music in the club and bearing your arse atop the DJ booth.
Nevertheless, this isn’t going to stop you, is it? You’re still going to take those stupid ass selfies in the toilets, Instagram your cocktails or post a status about how much you heart your bros or bitches.
People like to embarrass themselves in different ways on social media when drunk; all perfectly valid, all will make you hide in your room for a week.
The Best Night Ever Status
This isn’t a good look for anyone. Before you’ve posted the status reads like authentic Shakespearean prose, you’d think the bard himself would be green with envy. The second you click ‘post’, it’s just a mess of vowels and consonants that are illegible to all.
The “I’m Having So Much Fun I’ve Found The Time To Update My Status” Status
See Nick Miller hitting his head against the cushion? He’s not doing that because he updated HIS status last night. He’s doing that because he saw you updating yours tonight. Are you really enjoying yourself that much that we all need to know?
The “I’m A Totally Different Person When I’m Drunk” Status
Ludacris once said that he wanted “a lady on the street, but a freak on the bed.” Wise words, Luda. I don’t think that this is what he meant when he said that, though.
The Heartbroken Status
Imagine if Steve Carrell had a half-finished bottle of Peroni in one hand and an iPhone in the other’ it’s a recipe for hilarity in his case. If it’s you, it’ll probably be really sad. Not the kind where people come and give you a hug; the kind where people just look at you like your sour milk. Don’t do it, you emotional mess.
The “OMG LOOK AT MY PRETTY DRINK” Status
Every time I see a picture of anyone posting their cocktails, I die a little inside. I don’t care that it’s all different colours, on fire or served in a tea cup. It’s the liquid equivalent of instagramming your meal, everyone hates that.
The Clearly Pissed Before Going Out Status
You may think you’re Brian throwing his shades on, turns out you clearly don’t need another drink for the rest of the night.
The “Look At All My Friends” Status
Always accompanied by a picture; always a gaggle of berks thirsty for the attention of anyone that’s giving it. Don’t indulge them in this. Thirsty isn’t a good luck.
The “I’m a Massive Grey Goose Wanker” Status
The lid is still on in this picture. That is just unbelievably poor from this girl. If you’re going to pose with a bottle at least drink it.
People of the various social media spheres, do me a favour? Never post any of these things. You wouldn’t do them when sober so why do them when you’re drunk? They’ll have people running for the hills and having parties where you don’t even qualify for the reserve list. Go out with your friends, have fun and please don’t touch go near Facebook, Twitter or whatever your internet tipple is.
PUT IT DOWN.