The Age Of The Man-Child: 10 Signs You're Dating A Child And Not A Man
Over the course of a relationship, some of the things you found irresistible at the start, manifest into the very things you start despising in your partner.
At first, you found his immaturity endearing. You were so immersed within the prospect of the dates turning into a relationship that you were blind to the fact that the person on the other end of the table was more boy than man.
But there comes a time when every boy must become a man and the truth is that some just don’t know how. If he’s not going to, then you’re probably better off looking elsewhere but you’ll have to be able to spot the signs before you leave him in the playpen…
Now I know it’s not easy moving out, believe me I do. Holding down a job is hard enough but the realisation that any wage is most likely well below the rise of inflation is enough to make you sink into your Mum’s homemade soup and that’s even before the sky-high rockets in the property market. But at least try.
If he’s nearing his thirties and shows no sign of even wanting to move out, you should move out – of his life – because he’s never going to grow up.
I don’t care if his Mum’s Mary-bloody-Berry; SHE SHOULDN’T BE MAKING HIS LUNCHES EVERY DAY. Not cool man, not cool.
Firstly, it shows that his Mum still thinks of him as a boy. Secondly, if she’s still making him lunches, that means he probably can’t afford to buy his own; thus meaning he’s poor. And lastly, it’s cringey. How can a man look after you when he can’t look after himself? Get rid.
3) His parents still pay his phone bill – well, as long as he doesn’t go over his internet allowance.
Not content with milking his parents for warmth, comfort and jam sandwiches, this chump can’t even fork out for his own phone bill. Yeah, that’s right. Every 18 months, your ‘man’ goes to Phones4U with his Mum to renew their contract (she’s got one too, quite cute really) in which she signs up to another 18 months of preventing this child from ever growing up.
He doesn’t understand the responsibilities of adulthood and you can’t rely on him to ever pay a bill for himself. Chuck him.
How the hell can he ever take you on all the roadtrips that you have planned if he can’t drive? Your little cousin can legally drive but the man you thought could father your children cannot. In fact, every time he comes to yours, he gets the bus.
Aside from actually being really annoying, the fact that he can’t drive is embarrassing and it’s DRIVING you mad. Haha. Ha.
Okay so he’s holding down a job, well done him. But it’s the same job he walked into when he was 16 because his dad owns the flipping company. Essentially, he didn’t even have to earn the job and he was handed it.
Okay so it’s not the worst thing in the world but you’re getting a strong sense that this guy prefers the easy life and has no sense of responsibility. A real man would have enough ambition to make a name for himself. Unless he starts looking for a ‘real job’; accept that he’s never going to and start looking elsewhere.
You’re starting to moan at every little thing so you’ve been forced to accept that he uses computer games as a form of relief from the strains of your relationship. But as you’re relaxing in the bath with a good book, you can hear this buffoon screaming at a television screen – at little men that he’s controlling via a control pad. He’s throwing his toys out the pram in way that you haven’t seen since your parents forgot to feed your tamagotchi whilst you were at school in 1997.
If he’s getting annoyed at a computer game, what’s he going to be like when you have actual adult problems?
It’s becoming more and more evident that this guy has never had to lift a finger in his life. He’s stayed over at yours for the weekend (which he describes as a ‘sleepover’ – urgh) but needs to wash his jeans because his Mum only got him one pair for Christmas.
You’ve obviously left him to it because any self-respecting adult knows how to use a washing machine – It’s pretty simple. But you’ve underestimated just how ill-educated this kid is. You meander down from your bedroom 20 minutes later and your imbecile of a boyfriend has interrupted his google search of ‘How to use a washine machine’ to simply start hitting the damn thing whilst shouting ‘WORK, JUST WORK!” at it.
It’s funny when Ross Geller’s Mum rings him every night on Friends but you’re only laughing because that’s fiction. It’s different when your potential Mother-in-law is interrupting nearly every dinner to call bang on 8pm every single night to check up on ‘her little boy’. Worst still is that your boyfriend doesn’t seem to have a problem with it.
He likes that there’s someone looking out for him, which speaks volumes of his inability to look after himself and therefore you.
The question of ‘Man or mouse?’ hanging over this guy’s head is becoming increasingly easier to answer, with your boyfriend’s intolerance towards things that a 7-year-old could handle becoming ever clearer. He’s reaching for a cushion to cover his eyes as a smidgen of blood escapes from a patient on 24 Hours on A&E and he’s persistently questioning you: “Is it gone yet?!”, whilst he closes his eyes and thinks of easier times. What a child.
To be fair that’s quite funny. But still, grow up.