Annoying shit all single girls say
Being single is great a lot of the time. No one cares if you forget to wax one week, every Friday night is wine night and there’s no such things as a dress being “too short”. Being single is pretty much a dream come true for everyone… except single girls.
With too many pretty girls and not enough eligible bachelors most of us spend a healthy portion of our lives in singletown, waiting for those who are in relationships to break up and widen the dating pool.
In the meantime the mood swings of every single girl can vary from watching the Notebook twice a week and tweeting quotes from it, to hating relationships and everyone in them (and tweeting about that too).
Then there are of course the standard single girl phrases. We whip them out every time we’re single, however much we deny it when we later have a man.
“Are there going to be any hot guys there?”
Yes, choosing where to go on a Saturday night does evolve around where we might spot the hottest guys. Though if anyone asks, we’re at Avalon because we love the music, not because of the cute promoter who’s there every week.
“I’m pretty sure I’m going to die alone”
In all fairness, people rarely die alone. They just settle for someone far far below their own level and live an unfulfilled and empty life. Single people should really worry more about that instead.
“Men just can’t handle an opinionated woman”
Let’s hope that one’s not true or I really will die alone. This is usually followed with a “maybe I just intimidate men”; any true friend on the receiving end of this will know the only acceptable answer is: “it’s because you’re hot and smart and men can’t deal with that”.
“I’m waiting around for someone who deserves me!”
It’s always fun to get a subtle dig at the ex-boyfriend in. Plus it’s a long standing excuse as to why it never worked out with your hot co-worker. You know, the one who hasn’t yet read your mind, realised that you want to bare his children and asked you out on a date (inconsiderate bastard).
“I’m telling you, all the hot men have moved to Brazil or something!”
Ahh yes the old where-have-all-the-hot-men-gone conundrum. The longer we’re single the fussier we get. After all, if you’ve waited over a year for a man, when one does come along they damn well better have been worth the wait.
“You don’t get it… you have a boyfriend”
If you’re in a relationship you have to understand you no longer have a right to complain to your single friends about anything. Their response will always be “well at least you have a boyfriend” because to a single girl, that means your life is complete.
Giving advice to single girls is hard too because they no longer believe you understand them and they’ll let you know it at every possible opportunity. “I’ve had the worst week ever at work. But, I don’t expect you to understand, you have a boyfriend”. Can I get a “whaaaat?!”
“Let’s watch Magic Mike again!”
Or any film which involves watching Channing Tatum, Jesse Metcalfe or Ryan Reynolds topless. It’s the single girl’s porn.
“Ugh people in relationships are so annoying!”
To be fair, they are. If you’re in a relationship and you’re reading this here are a few pointers: trains are not an acceptable make out spot, if you love your boyfriend tell him via text not via Twitter and seriously no one cares that you’re out for dinner on a Friday night. Stop posting pictures of it online, my Facebook timeline is for stalking ex class mates who have gotten fat.
“The only men I need are Ben and Jerry” Ha. Ha. Ha. Oh you’re being serious…
“Being single is great; I barely ever have to shave my legs”
In all honesty, that is a real perk. You save a fortune in razors and you have an extra layer of warmth all winter long.
That being said, no matter how many annoying phrases we have to endure from single girls the country over, they’re not as bad as the ones they have to put up with in return. “Sooo how’s the love life” followed by “don’t worry it will happen when you least expect it” and the occasional “maybe you’re not really putting yourself out there!”
If you are single, then the correct response here would be: “I’m not single. I’m in a longstanding relationship with fun and freedom”. And then smile like this: