That awkward moment when you are left talking to Molly
Whenever you go to any club there can be two certainties: at least one of your mates will get too drunk and you’ll notice the odd person that will at the very least look like they have been dabbling with something a bit stronger than alcohol.
Drugs are a part of clubbing culture, not so much in in the west end but when you do bump into Lucy and her friend Molly on the dance floor it’s pretty obvious they’re loving everything and everyone. Charlie and his powdered nose? Well he’s pretty intense all he wants to do is knock back drinks all night and win at staring contests.
We’ve all been in those situations; you’re stood at the bar, minding your own business, maybe even trying a few your best lines on the hottie stood next to you when BOOM some groovy gurner is chewing your ear, and their jaw off.
You don’t want to appear rude so you humour them, maybe they want to talk about how good the DJ is tonight or that their mates have all left them and they can’t people, just colours and feelings. It’s at this point that I must admit to having been on both sides of this conversation. Sorry, Mum.
Still, it’s important to have a strategy to disarm both sides of these club kids. Kids with runny noses tend to be very insistent creatures. The ecstatic young thing will be very disappointed if you don’t want to reveal your inner most feelings to them.
So how do you identify and apply the correct strategy to continue your initial conversation? It’s a difficult skill to master, one that is effective and will disarm anyone of the multiple drug people on your big night out. Jaws and eyes guys, jaws and eyes.
For these two substances find themselves at very different ends of the emotional spectrum. Charlie is a selfish boy, the kind of child whose mother left him wanting for nought. He got seconds, thirds and a trip to Toys ‘R’ Us every Saturday morning (I apologise, Microsoft Word doesn’t allow for the godforsaken backwards R).
The key to disarming Charlie is to return it with selfishness in conversation. Talk solely about yourself and your night, this will ensure that Charlie has to keep all of his own words within a mind racing from thought to thought quicker than it became apparent that Nick Clegg was going to be Dave’s whipping boy.
Charlie likes to talk and talk and talk and, you see the pattern. By keeping Charlie bottled up, it has a similar effect to dropping Mentos into Coca-Cola. While foam my not be emerging from their mouth they may, figuratively, explode under the pressure of their own unspoken syllables. It’s a truly wondrous sight.
Molly? She’s a giver. Molly goes too damn deep, too damn quick. She doesn’t remember events the next day, she remembers feelings. How one event transpired to the next is of no actual importance to her, she only cares about the transition of colour to colour, emotion to emotion.
If Charlie was allowed everything, Molly was taught the meaning of life is to give. She’s a damn hippy, in a partnership with Lucy. She’s always going to ask for a cup of camomile over a coffee and will order a falafel wrap from the Lebanese bistro on your way home. She’s a delicate soul but always prone to a bad trip.
How do you disarm someone in the depths of a Molly binge? You find where their friends are and you promptly return them in the manner of a lost dog. They will of course be wagging their metaphorical tail and be panting ever so slightly. It’s a wonderful sight when they’re returned because Molly stays with Molly. They’ll all just be happy to be with one another and start raving again
Furthermore, if you say to the person you were talking to that you’re helping to return Molly to her friends, there’s a good chance you’ll win some points on that front.
There you have it, much like fire, when fronted with a person who’s on something in a club. Fight fire with fire, selfishness with selfishness, love with love. No doubt you will or already have encountered these sorts of people in clubs or any night out you’ve been to. Next time you’re in one of these situations, try these tactics out. They could just save your evening…