Women can be crazy. I’m not talking about “she’s in a PMS related strop” kind of crazy but more like “she sent me 17 messages in a row” kind of mad. The girl you thought you’d end up having a relationship with soon reveals herself to be a prime candidate for at best clingy side chick material.
It’s a shame because they look so normal to begin with. One minute you’re on a first date trying to figure out her cup size and arguing over who is going to pay the bill and the next thing you know she’s turning up at your house unannounced because you haven’t replied to her text in 15 minutes and she was worried something happened to you.
Or at least, that’s the story men are sticking to. But what happened in between? I’ll tell you what; someone ignored a hell of a lot of signs that she was crazy:
The Constant Texting:
That’s sign number one. You barely manage to hit the ‘send’ button and you’ve already got a reply! But surely that’s just because you’re so witty and charming? She’s not clingy, she’s just excited that she’s met someone as hilarious as you… right? Wrong.
Followed By: “Are You Ignoring Me?”
When a normal girl doesn’t get a reply, she makes herself busy and pretends she doesn’t care. Then she rants to her friends about what an arse you are, how you’re just like “every other guy” followed by a quick Twitter and Instagram stalk to see if you’re on your phone. This continue’s until you eventually reply with a sufficient excuse and she laughs at how ridiculous she’s been.
A clingy girl however, will send you 13 more texts and the longer it takes you to reply the more hysterical each message gets. Culminating in a “well I’ve just driven past your house and your car isn’t home, so I guess you’ve found something better to do!” Probably followed (unbeknown to you) by a stalkerish drive past your ex’s house to check you’re not there.
She Talks About Marriage… A Lot.
Sure, she wants to get married, don’t they all? Surely she’s talking in a general sense and not about you (the semi-stranger who she has been dating for three weeks).
She marks you as hers like a dog marks his territory:
You’re out together and every other bitch in the place is sure as hell going to know about it. You’re leaving with her at the end of the night and while you know it, it’s also 100% necessary for everyone else to know it too.
She Talks To Your Friends More Than You Do
Despite you never having actually introduced her to any of them.
It starts off with a casual reply on Twitter to one of their messages (huh, she’s following your friends?) and it ends with them inviting you to join them for lunch if you’re free.
She “Awws” A Bit Too Enthusiastically At Babies On The Street
And you’re beginning to get really suspicious that she might be swapping her contraceptive pill for Polo Mini’s. If you’re dating a clingy girl and she ever says anything along the lines of “oh don’t bother with a condom, I’m on the pill baby”… run.
She Stops Making Effort To Hide Her Crazy
All girls can act a little nuts every once in a while. The difference with the clingy girl is that she no longer makes effort to hide her craziness from your friends. That’s because as far as she’s concerned, friends are disposable, she’s not.
If your friends think she’s insane, then it’s probably a sign you need new friends.
You Break Up With Her Multiple Times
Breaking up with a normal girl, at best involves her getting drunk with her friends and ceremonially deleting all your texts, pictures and number from her phone. At worse it involves the “I always knew you were a prick” text coupled with “and don’t even bother replying to this”.
Breaking up with a clingy girl involves a full on tantrum followed by her turning up to your house with make-up cupcakes she baked.
And Everyone Knows About It
Next time you go on Facebook you’ll find that in the last 24 hour’s she’s changed her relationship status from “In A Relationship” to “It’s Complicated” to “Single” and back to “In a Relationship” again.