Bitch don’t kill my vibe – the people you need to avoid on a night out
Clubbing, perhaps one of my preferred past times along with drinking and just generally getting on it, is an activity that has a huge number of faux pas.
Quite surprising when you consider it’s something that is more often than not done when wasted.
It’s not just the irritating faux pas’ that you should look to avoid in a club. There are just as many people if not more that steering well and truly clear of will ensure that your vibe is not killed.
Regardless of how wondrous your relationship with your mother it’s just not a good look! It’s embarrassing enough when a friend does a bad job of winging you let alone when it’s your mother.
Could it possibly be any worse having your friends tag photos of your mum with a tongue down someone’s throat the morning after the night before.
2. The cheapskate
We’ve all been out with that person who has a tendency to disappear whenever it’s their turn to get a round in. Over the years you’ve seen them develop and hone this skill.
You’ve even considered commending them on their creativity in coming up with an excuse to get up and walk away moments before discussions of a new round begin and the timing in returning when drinks have just been ordered…if it wasn’t for the fact it was leaving you out of pocket!
3. The girl that leaves you for a guy
An unwritten rule that nearly all girls follow.
You planned the night our together, had pre-drinks together, flirted with the promoter to get a queue jump together, now you’re waiting for a cab in the rain, alone.
Perhaps it’s a time you found a new BFF.
4. The shit wingman
The one guy that kills pretty much everyone’s vibe.
After 3 attempts at chatting up girls in both the club and the smoking area (see point no.7), 2 drinks being thrown at you and 1 slap in the face after an awful line from him it’s time to call it a day and just drown your sorrows.
Fingers crossed the shit wingman doesn’t double up as the cheapskate.
5. The dancer that didn’t made it
You probably have a couple of friends that are amazing dancers, standing next to them can be a tad embarrassing when they start dancing, making the two step you thought you had down to a T look awkward and out of time.
However when one of your dancer friends takes it upon themself to use the dance floor as a rehearsal area and brush up on the routine they learnt back in dance school, its probably best to take a couple of steps back into the shadows.
6. The bottle wanker
One that I unfortunately have to ‘fess up to and probably every nightclub promoter.
I often explain it to friends that the reason I’m often holding a bottle of premium vodka is to safeguard it from the legion of table whores that would jump on the bottle the moment the moment the table was left unattended.
They don’t agree and just think it’s obnoxious, from looking at the photo above I can see why…
7. Your very own twitter stalker
Aside from being a bit creepy it’s just creepy.
Picture the scene; you’re out in the smoking area having one of the last few cigarettes before you give up (its one of your resolutions). A stranger walks up to you and says ‘Hey your @o_abdulle, I follow you on twitter’.
Not quite knowing what to say you smile rather uneasily before either flat out denying that the twitter handle belongs to you or perhaps worse saying yes before realising that at some point in this conversation you will have to explain why you didn’t follow back.
Queue the bunny boiler music
8. The ugly friend
You see playing the perfect wing-man (or woman) role is something that requires skill and at time it may be even be a sacrifice. This is most often the case when being left entertaining the ugly friend.
Yes it may be rather disheartening, she is quite literally the ‘bitch killing your vibe’ however you’re helping a friend in need. It’s an act that that karma will repay you with.
9. The newly weds
A big night out they said, we’ve not seen you in ages they said, it’ll be good chance to catch up they said…. We’ll sit at the table all night carrying out acts of PDA, making anybody in the near vicinity of us feel awkward and making you feel like a voyeur whenever you so happen to look in our direction, they didn’t say.
They’re great friends just let them enjoy the honeymoon period well away from you and refuse to meet anywhere that provides them with dark corners alcohol and the opportunity to slow dance.
10. The girl you didn’t text (until your drunk that is)
Perhaps one of the most awkward situations you may find yourself in a nightclub, well only second to watching your mum getting hit on (see no.1).
You may have had every intention of texting her after that one night stand but due to a series of unfortunate events that included a hangover from hell, smashing the screen on your phone and just generally not being that bothered you didn’t get in contact.
You’ll now be subjected to a night of evil looks and will undoubtedly be cockblocked when you unwittingly hit on one of her many friends in the club.