How to block a cockblock - Xclusive Touch

How to block a cockblock

Xclusive Touch

how to block a cockblock

How to block a cockblock

It goes without saying that cock-blocking is just not cool! It’s something most people would agree with. If you’re in disagreement then chances are you one of these cock-blocks…the literal definition of joy killers!
 

There are of course situations in which you may need to be cock-blocked; a drunken night out with the girls and you have Greasy McCreep all over you or a night out with the lads and you’re in a dark corner with a Susan Boyle look-alike.

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These are the only two situations in which such a heinous act is acceptable if anything applauded even. If you’re in disagreement to this then at best you are the Subo look-alike or at worse the penis-blocker!!

 

There are various social settings in which you will need to know how to deal with a cock-block; at a bar, in a club, a house party, at work, it could even happen in the place you expect it the least…at home.

 

One thing that remains pretty constant is the type of cock block….

 

The Bitch Friend

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The bitch friend is perhaps the most common of these cock blocks. She is the one that will throw thinly veiled insults at you, all with the pretense of banter.

Rising to it won’t work, take it all in your stride and whatever you do don’t insult her.

You may find that ‘the bitch friend’ will have various tactics to employ when cock blocking; whisking her friend off to the ladies, mentioning a boyfriend, telling you that they are in fact a couple

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actually blocking you from her by dancing between you or even bursting into tears upon suddenly remembering the death of her 3nd cousin twice removed John.

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How to block

The only way to block such a fiendish foe will be to employ the use of your wingman!

*be wary of the ‘Wing-Block’

The Flirt

 ‘The Flirt’ provides a difficult decision to be made. You will probably not have even noticed ‘The Flirt’ until she introduces herself whilst you’re putting you’re A-Game on one her friends. “Ahh f*ck not the bitch friend block” you think to yourself.

 

You wish it were that simple, you only realise the type of block you are dealing with when you notice the unrelenting fluttering of her fake eyelashes, 


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her laughing hysterically at every joke and her propensity to caressing your right arm.

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So do you stick or twist? The gentleman in you tells you to stick, whilst the horny drunk in you tells you to go for the easier option and twist. If you’ve brought along you’re A* game then go on a head and try for a threesome!

 

How to block

If deciding to stick you will need to be bring a wingman on board to deal with the flirt as you may find that left wanting for attention she may turn into ‘The Bitch Friend’.

 

The Wing-block


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This is by far one of the worse types cock-blocks you may find yourself dealing with. You thought it would never happen but alas your trusted wingman has forsaken you. It was all going so well… that was until right on your queue the wingman made an entrance.

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The hotties friend had starting to look bored, perfect you thought as he made his introductions and proceeded to sit down next to you. It’s not long before he’s reminded you why you’ve stopped inviting him out.

 

A wingman’s role is pretty simple, like Ozil they are there to assist you in scoring. At times this may even be a selfless act when confronted by ‘The Flirt’ or ‘Drunk Friend’ cock-blocking. They are the Robin to your Batman.

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How to block

In blocking ‘The Wing-block’ you have 3 options; out game him, remind him of his role during a quite moment at the bar or to cut your losses on this one and just stop inviting him out. 

The Drunken Friend

Whilst the drunken friend cock-block can in some ways be similar to the Wing-block in that they both started as wingmen but ended obstructing you, they are in fact very different.

‘The Drunken Friend’ doesn’t block because of an ulterior motive, the drunken friend has no ulterior motive. In this case it’s simply a matter of them having had a few too many drinks.

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 ‘This person WILL embarrass you, usually just by professing his love for you or if he’s in full form it’ll be because he tells the hottie at the bar that the only reason your more sober than him is because you employed the use of a tactical vomit after pre drinks.

How to block

Your best course of action will be to just laugh him off and to point him in the direction of the Subo lookalike. 

The Selfie

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Perhaps one of the most frustrating of all of the cock-blocks, unfortunately there is no one to blame here but yourself!


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You failed to spot all of the green lights and probably had ample opportunity to pull but just failed because of a severe lack of game!

There are several fuck ups that could occur on your part for ‘The Selfie’ to take place; you may have got too drunk, failed to take your openings or even got distracted by ‘The Flirt’.

How to block 

Fix up bro!

 

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