"No I Didn't Sleep With Him Again": The 8 Things Every Girl Lies To Her Best Friend About
People lie, because the truth hurts. Sure, we all ask for the truth, but in all honesty, we can rarely handle it when it’s given to us. So sometimes, just sometimes we tell little lies to the friends we care about the most, because they need them.
Why? Well, because as Ellen here demonstrates, sometimes a comforting lie is better than the hurtful truth.
So, with love, we kick off our list of lies, that every girl tells her best friend. Not because she wants to, but because she has to.
When a girl asks “do I look fat” or “do I look like I’ve put on weight?” it’s seldom an honest answer she’s after. If the leggings she wore last month now won’t go up higher than her knees, I’m sure she’s managed to reach her own conclusion about what that could mean.
She doesn’t need to hear it from you, she has a mirror for that. She just wants reassurance that she’s not looking as terrible as she feels. So we lie. Though any true friend will then add “but we can go for a walk tomorrow if you want” which basically translates to “yes, I noticed your leggings are a bit tight too”.
And I’m sure she will. If not ‘soon’ then at ‘some point’.
The best and worst thing about female friendships is the need to discuss every single male related drama going.
My motto is complete and total honesty, with one exception. When you’re best friend says “I’m never going to meet someone” you smile positively and tell them Mr Channing Tatum look alike is just around the corner.
Around which corner, I decide never to specify.
As a best friend, it is our God given duty to lie about how hot your ex boyfriend’s new girl is. She could be a Victoria Secret model for all we care, we will find a flaw and hone in on it. And always, always add “anyway you’re so much prettier” with your fingers crossed behind your back.
*Said whilst still in bed with a onesie on*
Eh no worries, we’ll just say there was traffic. And even though “I’m 5 minutes away” is said with the dishwasher beeping in the background, a true friend will reply “great seen you in a minute”. Not because they don’t want to call you out on your b******t but because when they said they were “ready to go” they factored in your lateness and are still one fake eyelash and three selfies away from being fully ready themselves.
If you sleep with a guy you spent the last two weeks crying to your best friend about. Lie.
After endless hours of discussing how he’s not good enough for you, how he’s only after one thing and how your last date started and ended in a car park, you should maybe keep your inability to keep your hands off him to yourself.
If this was true, it would be followed by a “but feel free to come and watch TV and eat some S’mores at mine”. If no such statement ensues then what we’re really saying is “I’ve seen you 5 times this week and that’s enough”.
Friends are automatically expected to a) remember each others Birthdays, before Facebook tells them about it and b) expected to know exactly what each other would want as a present.
Well let me put it out there since no one else is brave enough to: no one remembers birthday’s anymore. I can barely remember my Twitter password which I use on a daily basis, so what hope do I really have of remembering the anniversary of someone’s birth, which comes around once a year. I mean honestly.
And as for the present, well 75% of all female conversations are on the topic of: hot guys, work and food. And unfortunately it’s really hard to get Ryan Gosling covered in sprinkles and sent to someone’s place of work.
So yes, we lie. We hope that “I’ve already got you your birthday present” is followed by you “guessing” what it might be. And by “guessing” I mean listing a whole bunch of things you really want, so we can rush off, buy them and pretend it was our own idea all along.