#WorldCupRookie: Everything You Need To Know About The World Cup
It crowd football match not a fan world cup bored

#WorldCupRookie Survival Guide: Everything You Need Know To Blag Your Way Through The World Cup

The World Cup is pretty much the pinnacle of football. Which means if you’re not a football fan, you’re going to spend the summer as a ‘World Cup widow/widower’. That is unless you manage to convince everyone that you know enough about football to actually be invited along to watch the games.

Of course then you have the problem of holding up football related conversation before and after the match. Not to mention deep analysing of the first half in the interval. Plus the stress of wondering if going to the toilet while the match is on, is a total give away of your disinterest.

That aside, here’s what you’ve got to know: the World Cup happens every 4 years and is a tournament of 32 national teams. In the 2 years leading up to the world cup, national teams take part in qualifying tournaments; this year 207 teams competed for a chance to play in the world cup.

So why do you care? And why should you watch? Firstly, it’s all anyone’s going to be talking about for the next 4 weeks, so you might as well get on board, one way or the other. Secondly… yeah no… that’s all I’ve got actually.

IT Crowd Football Funny Not A Fan Gif

So if you’re going to blag your way through the World Cup. Or at the very least survive it, here’s want you need to know:

1. ManUtd are not playing… so don’t ask. This is the WORLD cup.
World Cup Flags Football Balls

Incidentally, the only country which didn’t need to qualify to get in, is the host country.

2. Stop telling everyone that England are going to “bring it home”.

Brazil are favorites. Argentina and Germany have good odds too. But England… not so much. The last time we won was in 1996.

By all means, root for England, until someone informs you that they’re out. Then prepare for a full month of “we were robbed” and other such rants.

3. Do not ask at half time who won… It’s not over yet.
World Cup Football Half Time Fans Eating

Every single match lasts for 90 minutes until the tournament progresses, which is when extra time and potentially penalties will come in.

Those of you who may have caught some previous World Cup action in between episodes of Eastenders and Corrie, may remember “sudden death” which basically meant that the first team to score in extra time would win the game. Something actual football fans might know as the golden goal though this was abolished in 2004 because too many teams chose to play defensively and hold out for penalties. Which is great news for England which are renowned for being a bit sh*te at penalties.

4. The games are on so late at night because it’s in BRAZIL not England.
Brazil Home Of Football Host country world cup 2014 fans

The matches are hosted in various stadiums spread all over Brazil. Brazil, as the home team, are actually favorites though they have failed to fully convince so far and have only taken four points from two games.

6. Brazil is considered the spiritual home of football, so this year promises a World Cup like no other.
Brazil JLo Pitbull Opening Ceremony Football Fans

In short: this is going to be the party of a lifetime.

7. Yellow card bad. Red card, very bad.
England fans shirt football crying upset

So if you see an England player getting a red card and everyone around you begins getting VERY emotional, don’t look confused. They’re down a player for the rest of the game.

5. The Spanish National Football Team won World Cup 2010.
Spain World Cup 2010 Victory Football

3,178,856 people attended the last world cup. Try telling them it’s “just a game”.

Though after Spain’s 2-0 loss to Chile last night, they sadly won’t be bringing it home this time around. It’s a bad time to be a Spanish football fan right now.

6. If a match is on, it is acceptable to drink beer. No matter what time of day it is…
World cup beer drink football

After all, it’s afternoon somewhere in the world. Most likely Brazil.

7. Honduras is actually a country and they did make it to the World Cup
Honduras World Cup Gif

The odds of them winning are 3000/1.

8. Don’t put your bets on Rooney to score first.
Wayne Rooney Bench Angry Moody World Cup GIF

He has never scored a World Cup goal. He did, however, set up Sturridge’s equalizer against Italy so maybe we’re getting closer…

9. This will probably not be Ronaldo’s tournament either…
Ronaldo Football Portugal World Cup

He is very very good but his team Portugal played very very badly and lost 4-0 to Germany in their group opener. 

And there we have it. Everything you need to know to blag your way through the World Cup this summer. Well, everything we would fit into one blog anyway.



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