Valetines Day or Side Chick Awareness Day
For all the women out there who’ve been lied to by their men, Kelis couldn’t be quite more relevant right now. My heart is just melting at the thought of Valentine’s Day…not.
Yes, this is the one day of the year when your boyfriend makes you feel like the most beautiful girl on planet earth; he showers you with gifts you’ve asked for since Christmas, carries you to your bedroom after that romantic meal, oh and most importantly makes a damn good attempt to cover up the fact that he still hasn’t changed.
Sorry to break it to you ladies but Valentine’s Day really isn’t as rosy as it seems.
In fact it’s the one day of the year where everything will either make you worship the ground he walks on or you get all the clues to see how today is where you discover the all-important side chick lurking in your boyfriend’s inbox.
That’s usually how it goes.
The showering of compliments
Which for the record I’ve never really understood the point of. Then again guys don’t really think these things through. ‘’Oh baby have I ever told you, you look so good in red?’’ It comes to Valentine’s Day and you’ve waited till now to tell me what colour I look good in…ok, thanks.
Let’s face it any girl is going to smell something dodgy going on (that’s if you’re smart enough). So while you’re thinking: ‘’aww baby that’s so sweet’’ do not be fooled. Please don’t. This screams ‘I’m trying to make you feel good because later on I’ll be going to see the other girl who looks even better in red.’’
Let’s just stay indoors
So the question you’ve been waiting for comes: ‘’Baby, where would you like to eat tonight?’’
So you get all excited and think YES HE HAS FINALLY UNDERSTOOD HOW TO TREAT ME RIGHT!
Then you get guilt tripped into staying indoors, he’s planned the perfect three course meal and just wants to show you that he can do his bit in the kitchen. What this really means is that you avoid going outside at all costs in case you see his side chick just lurking around your garden waiting to see when he’ll be done.
‘’Roses are red. Violets are blue. I’m working on my Valentine’s Poetry.’’
After that wonderful meal is done, it’s time for him to show you another side: the other ‘cute’ side to him, the side you much prefer; the side that has also been lurking away in the closet since, well, forever. A bit like his side chick you’ll soon find out about too, huh? The hand written little love note that could just count for being the worst poem ever written.
1. Where has he even come up with this?
You never really knew poetry was his thing.
2. Since when did you have a nickname that even you don’t know about?
This clearly rings all warning bells. You know now that shit is going to go down, the bitch has been found out.
Oh followed by the constant text messages every two minutes
This was shaping up to be the perfect Valentine’s Day… said no girl ever. You started off feeling all emotional and even slightly happy at what you thought was a good day. However, now it’s come to the evening where you were thinking to obviously get it on.
There’s far more vibration going on and you know it isn’t from anything lying around in your bed sheets.
His phone literally won’t stop going off. I mean you were suspecting a few things from the beginning with all the big gestures, right? So you ask to see his phone. After all its Valentine’s Day surely his boys already know that. So who is it that just can’t wait to get hold of him?
SIDE CHICK ALERT
It’s all come pouring out now: you’ve seen the phone; the text messages; the phone calls. The late night sexting whilst you thought he was at his boy’s house playing Xbox like all boys do. You know she exists now it isn’t some made up fantasy in your head. I am not going to lie at this point it really doesn’t get any better from here.
The lines come now as you may have predicted.
‘’Baby, we can get through this.’’
The side chick never wins over the main chick: that’s what they all say. You’ve discovered her…on Valentine’s Day. If he’s expecting you to miraculously get over this then he’s even more deluded then you thought. His face starts to scrunch up into that little cute face and wait for it… he starts crying to top it all off. TURN AROUND AND WALK OUT THE DOOR RIGHT NOW.
Guys, seriously, pulling all those stunts and thinking it’s all going to be okay? I don’t think so. Let this be a reminder to you all that Valentine’s Days will either have you begging for mercy or forever alone. Side chicks: you have been warned.