First World Problems: 18 Things You Really Need To Stop Moaning About Now
When it comes to moaning about things which, in all honesty do not need to be moaned about, we are champions. Whether I like it or not, my Twitter feed is constantly full of what I can only describe as middle class issues. ‘Middle class’ because if you mentioned them to someone with real problems, they’d probably elbow you in the face.
So when it comes to the very best (or is it worst) of first world problems, for the record, you will not be receiving a favorite, a re-tweet or sympathy from me on any of following:
Apparently, modern life dictates that the more likes your dinner gets, the better it tastes.
In the same league as “my dorito broke in the dip”. Just no.
Please, tell me more about your expensive phone and it’s inability to comply with all your needs.
The point is, one came, so stop moaning.
Oh how upsetting for you. Sure, you get to spend an extra day on vacation, but the early start makes it almost unthinkable. How will you get over this? Perhaps a nice cocktail upon arrival, followed by a dip in the pool? Why not, you deserve it after everything you’ve been through.
I got woken up by my dog, struggling to free himself from a mountain of dirty clothes on my bedroom floor. But sure, tell me more about how much the paid help is irritating you.
You had champagne. The moral of this story? Don’t complain to people that spent the afternoon drinking home brand cider. Wrong crowd my friend… wrong crowd.
So that’s 3 minutes of your life wasted by commercials and another two minutes wasted tweeting about it.
I feel you my friend. In the next general election I’m voting for whichever candidate feels as strongly as I do about better education for Barista’s. Just the thought of someone making my coffee without being able to properly spell my name, sends shivers down my spine.
Almost as upsetting as the time I asked for Absolut and they gave me Smirnoff. I’m not saying it was a wasted night but it definitely wasn’t the same after that.
Terrible. Almost as upsetting as when you can’t fit your witty status into 140 characters and have to share it on Facebook instead.
Sympathy loading, please hold.
Well, they did warn us that the minute we reach adulthood the real problems start.
Please, tell me more about how totally broke you are.
How you will sleep at night I dread to think.
The thought of your skin rubbing against material which didn’t cost the same as a small bungalow is unthinkable.
Realising there’s no milk after you’ve poured your cereal. Realising there’s no milk after you had your heart set on hot chocolate. Yes yes, it’s all genuinely devastating stuff.
I’m sure there’s a lawsuit in there somewhere. Between your iPhone, iPad, laptop & widescreen TV you’re lucky your eyes are even functioning. In all honesty Apple are just lucky you haven’t perused further action.
18. Someone used my mug at work
Next thing you know, they’ll be washing it and putting it back in the cupboard like nothing ever happened. Bastards.
To all of you, I say…
…the worlds smallest violin, is playing just for you.
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