All Publicity is good Publicity – 5 methods to stay Dope
Do you spend your lunch breaks staring over at the cool kids? Hoping, wishing even praying that they invite you to join them in their conversations about fixie bikes and smoking curiously scented rolled cigarettes?
Well you may longingly stare at them but unfortunately this is something that will never happen until you have taken it upon yourself to fix up!
There are many moments in a young person’s life when he or she will fall (ever so slightly) short of being completely and utterly cool. The fall from grace can occur in a matter of seconds; one minute it feels like the whole world is re-tweeting you, the next, you’ve been reduced to nothing more than a moderately amusing meme on some, subhuman basement dweller’s ‘fail’ blog.
Your levels of ‘dope’ dipped a bit that time you had a one-night stand on Halloween. Remember that? You ended up on public transport at 8am the next day, hung-over and dressed as the creepy little tricycle puppet from Saw.
Or, how about when you decided that the fashion/clothes manufacturing industry didn’t have the slightest idea what they were doing, so you took matters into your own hands and started making your own clothes? Well…you sure showed them!
Okay, so you had a momentary lapse of judgment. So what? Big deal!
Doesn’t mean you can’t apply some damage control to the situation. Here is your guide to becoming part of the graduating class of dope that get invites to all the parties. Take note kids…
1) Take note of Miley
It’s called peacocking…and it works like a dream! You think Miley Cyrus didn’t know exactly what she was doing when she rocked up in a mouse leotard to do her VMA performance? Of course she did! She knew that her outfit would attract a lot of attention and from all the right people. Who is it she is hanging out with now? Oh yeah, Wiz Khalifa and Snoop Doggy Dogg, that’s who.
Snazzy Outfits + Rapper Friends = Dope. That’s just simple maths guys.
2) All PUBLICITY IS GOOD PUBLICITY
Okay, this isn’t strictly true. But, hey…if your Mum sees a photo of you on Facebook licking the pavement with your Vodka marinated tongue, just make like Shaggy and say ‘It wasn’t me’. Failing that, blame it on all your new rapper friends. They may be a bad influence, but they’re a ruddy good laugh I assure you. The danger of publicity is that people are able to pass judgment without seeing the full picture, so you might get called a lot of nasty things. But hey, at least ‘boring’ will not be one of them.
3) IT’S NOT ALL OVER – IF YOU FALL OVER
We’re going to look to one of America’s finest export, Jennifer Lawrence, for this one. Lawrence decked it at the Oscars last year and what happened? Everybody wanted to be her best friend. So, be as clumsy and carefree as you dare to be. Heck, throw yourself down a full flight of stairs in a club if you can’t be bothered walking down them, just be sure to laugh it off afterwards with your mates and get yourself checked into A&E as soon as possible. #Ambulanceselfie
4) GET DRUNK
Fact: getting drunk is hilarious. The general consensus amongst 10/10 medical professionals is that, turning your Liver into a human Rum baba of a weekend is not exactly good for your health.
However, there are many untold benefits to be reaped from drinking your own body weight in Sambuca, all of which start and finish with the ‘fabulous’ factor. Getting well and truly battered can temporarily release you from the ‘prison’ that is your mind.
You’ve worked hard all week and your brain is exhausted, so why not let it be a vegetable for a couple of hours? Alcohol is basically like Lavender for your brain-it is a relaxer and the positive mental effects of booze don’t stop there; this stuff can do wonders for your body image too!
Drink makes us all feel super sexy, so even if you go out looking like a stray dog and come home looking like a stray dog with no legs-you’ll still feel like Marilyn Monroe.
5) DANCE LIKE NOBODY IS WATCHING
This one shouldn’t be too difficult if you have followed step 4 correctly. Nobody is expecting you to crack out the ‘Single Ladies’ dance anytime soon, just be sure to commit to the shapes you are busting. Bare in mind that nothing worth doing is going to be easy, so put some back into it! Encourage this sort of enthusiasm on the dance floor by requesting a song you like (i.e. the R.Kelly Ignition remix). A common complaint amongst wallflowers is that they often feel too self-conscious to cut up a rug with their friends. A quick solution to this crisis of confidence would be; close your eyes! Failing that…repeat step 4.