Flirting Fails: The tell-tell signs you need to step your game up!
Let’s face it; the days where the good old bend and snap (that’s a legally blonde reference for the men reading this) would bag you your dream guy/girl are gone. With texting and cyber-relationships taking over, it’s safe to say the standards of face to face interactions are dropping… fast.
As actual face-to-face interaction is on the decrease, cringey flirting fails are on the rise. You think you have the moves, but the chances are you’re a flirting rookie who needs to be stopped. Don’t believe me?
Well how many of these, sounds a bit too much like you:
Flirt with their friend?
Reverse psychology at its best. You pretend you aren’t interested (even though they kind of know you are) and make them jealous by flirting with someone else. AT BEST this tends to work 50% of the time. The other 50% of the time, everyone thinks you’re a douche and you find yourself pissing pretty much everyone off.
Your desired man/woman be insulted and will probably punish you by hooking up with someone hotter than you and once their friend realizes you were using them, they’ll get annoyed too.
This leaves you in a sticky situation, meanwhile your crush and pretend crush have shrugged it off and moved on to the next guy/girl!
Treat ‘em mean keep ‘em keen
That’s right, give them a nice backhanded compliment and they’ll be at your mercy. The poetic lines “I reckon you would be so much fitter with blonde hair” or “Why don’t you make this much effort all the time?” never fail to make a person go weak at the knees. Everyone loves to hear that don’t they? Oh wait. Nope you just got a drink in your face.
Ah an old favourite of lads and lasses everywhere. Let’s get this straight… unless you are Channing Tatum (who lets face it, can pretty much get away with anything), or your flirting victim is deaf in one ear, it is not acceptable to drop the line “Did you fart, cause you blew me away” … ever.
Do you know who terrible chat up lines work on? Desperate people. That’s it. And even they are probably laughing at you and not your semi-funny chat up line.
Using the sympathy card
So you may be on the rebound and looking for a good-looking shoulder to cry on. But no one wants to spend their night sitting in the corner listening to you talk about how much you hate your ex, or worse, how much you still love them.
They may be polite enough to have a drink with you… but I assure you, inside they are looking for an escape route.
‘Ok this is going well’ you’re thinking. You’ve been chatting all night, laughing, smiling, it’s all smooth sailing from here. You want to be bold, take a chance and so you pounce on them for a cheeky kiss. Only you’ve misread the signs and completely freaked them out… you’ve blown it son. No more kisses for you.
A little bump and grind
There is nothing worse than having a little eye flirting from across the room with a hot stranger only to meet on the dance floor and they start using you as a stripper pole or act like a randy Chihuahua humping a stuffed toy. It’s just awkward and it goes like this: He/she smiles politely whilst giving their friends an intense “save me” look and eventually they do, but only after they’ve stop wetting themselves laughing.
It’s not entirely your fault, Vodka doesn’t help. I know you are probably trying to be sexy, we’ve all been there, but if you could actually see yourself… you’d wish you’d stayed at home. Allow me to demonstrate…
How you think you look:
How you actually look:
So your charm and flirting skills thus far have succeeded! You have their number/snapchat/Facebook. For the love of all that is good do not message them afterwards declaring your love or worse, call them. I once had the pleasure of having a guy call me to tell me how much he liked me… in between periods of being sick.
Believe me, you do not want to wake up in the morning and be mortified at the 23 texts and 13 snapchats you sent to them last night.
I wouldn’t expect a reply.