The Flowerless Guide To Successful Apologies - Xclusive TouchXclusive Touch

The Flowerless Guide To Successful Apologies

The Flowerless Guide To Successful Apologies
Author: Miranda Athanasiou

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Men can never truly apologise, not enough anyway and on the odd occasion they actually try to, they tend to get it all wrong.
I’m not entirely certain who it was who spread the word that flowers make everything okay, but for the record they do not. When it comes to apologies the type of offering you should give a woman is in direct proportion to how much of an idiot you were.
Flowers are for a grade one type screw-up: having to cancel a date to work late type thing. She’s a bit pissed off she wasted her £32 foundation and £18 mascara to sit at home and eat chicken crisps in front of the TV, but she’ll get over it (and all the faster once you give her those flowers).

For anything more serious you better get creative because unfortunately with most women it’s not about how much you spend, but about how much thought you put into it. If only it were a case of ‘the more money you spend the sorrier you are’ but much like the flowers, meaningless gestures just don’t cut it anymore.

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Don’t get me wrong, we still want the expensive present (heaven forbid I be to blame for word getting out that women choose creativity over cash) we just want it to mean something too.

Women want to know that you take in every word they say and store it in your minds with keen interest and just the right amount of enthusiasm.

For example… remember that dress she was saying she liked, she showed you it like seven times, even sent you a link to your email so you could tell her what you thought? Or perhaps you remember 3 months ago when she said she wanted the new Diesel perfume?
Well of course you don’t remember, she barely remembers herself, but the point is that you should. If you don’t remember then it means you definitely don’t pay attention to anything she says and possibly don’t love her. (If you’re confused about this female logic just try to remember that most of these conclusions are reached during wine-fuelled evenings with our equally clueless and wine enhanced friends).

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So from here there are only three solutions:

1. Start paying attention to everything she likes in order to cover yourself in the incident of a future screw up.

2. If option one seems like too much hard work then just buy her something which shines a lot. Tiffany bracelets for example were specifically designed to hit the light at certain angles and cause a shine so bright that it instantly causes angry-girlfriend memory loss.

3. If your budget doesn’t stretch that far then there’s one last card left to play. The one you knew about all along, but didn’t want to. The cheapest but biggest gift a man can get a woman: say sorry and admit you were wrong. An idea so crazy, that it just might work.
In the name of being fair, I should add that it’s not always men that need to do the apologising; on the rare occasion that a member of the female species might be wrong, there is indeed an art to successfully apologising to your other half. It’s called sex and lots of it.



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