A Girls Guide To Sloppy Seconds
Picture the scene; you’re in the club raving it up, scanning the floor for potential mating partners, such is the ritual of the horny human species. You spot a guy and he spots you, an eye sex fling if you will, first step has been accomplished and you feel sure that this is the beginning of a successful night…
You continue the smiles and the glances, maybe a cheeky wink if you’re feeling daring (drunk) enough and wonder if you should approach, you look over again to see if his position is on a danceable route, but what’s that? He’s kissing another girl.
Well it was only a fling you remind yourself, even though the sparks of romance you felt flash between you in those dashing eye sex moments were enough to write him a sonnet.
Ok, so perhaps the situation doesn’t quite lend itself to poetry, and let’s face it your mind can only ever handle four thoughts on a night out:
Where’s my drink?
Where are the man, where are the toilets, ow my shoes are killing me; but still you have a decision to make…
Shall I go for sloppy seconds?
I suppose the aim of the game is to obtain something that’s not sloppy, or floppy, because the graft will just not be worth it. It’s always good to establish just how drunk you are, to work out whether your judgement of sloppiness can be relied upon, and to estimate how drunk he is, to work out the potential level of floppiness the bedroom may witness.
If both sloppy and floppy tests are passed, it’s time to assess the girl. Can you out dance her? Study her, if she attempts to twerk you’re in, she will be doing it badly, fact. When she hits a slut drop, that’s your chance to go for it!
However, you may wish to consider the fact that if this guy is willing to pull multiple times in a night, he may well be riddled with disease. The floppy test can help to judge this one too. It’s alright to go where another girl has been before, but not if they’ve left any friends.
Also be wary of the large gang of men that may be lurking in the background, if he’s doing this for lad points, steer well clear. Better still, leap in during that slut drop opportunity and wiggle. Tease him until he goes in for the kill, and then boom! Slut drop to duck out of the way! It is acceptable when used as a weapon! That’ll teach him to make his way around the club’s female population for lad points.
This however takes great willpower, you must resist the kiss otherwise you really relinquish power!
Then there comes the more tangled web of sloppy seconds…if a friend has already been there. Yikes! This is always one to be avoided. If you’re out together and pulling the same people you will simply look like a skank. Guys will see you’re easy and while that’ll guarantee you a toy for the night, just imagine what sort of man you’ll attract. Icky.
If your friend has previously got with the guy on another occasion, even if it was just a one night thing, for you to go there will be WEIRD. Just think, you’re happily bobbing away in the bedroom until the thought comes (way before you do I would imagine), what if she was better than me? Not a nice headspace to get into. Besides this, she’s YOUR FRIEND, and you know it would suck to be her, literally as well as figuratively.
For guys it’s somehow cool and laddy between friends to pull loads of girls, but for girls it’s a hard ride, if, well, we’ve been riding hard. Girls get a bad rep, although thankfully manwhores are now starting to be recognised and despised by the fairer sex too. So girls, pull who you like but keep your dignity…