Going Out In East London Doesn’t Make You Cool
Oh, you went out in Shoreditch this weekend and saw Harry Styles molesting a labradoodle? Or were you sniffing coke off of the urinals of the Village Underground with Russell Brand? Perhaps you saw Tracy Emin producing some questionable street art out of a bin liner and your best friends tactical chunder, did you? Sorry to burst your bubble, kid, but going out it East London doesn’t make you cool. Shoreditch is so 2001, don’t you know…
Shoreditch, Dalston, Brick Lane; the East London big boys have always been, and will always be, the trendy hot spots for people who like to dress as if they have no money yet buy lunch from overly priced sushi joints every day. East London has become the hub of the hipster kingdom, the home of tortured artists who aren’t all that tortured and a wasteland of wankers who talk a good game. The place has lost the edge that made it cool when the yBas were making it the paradise of all things deemed to be ‘trendy bollocks’.
The original warehouse spaces and cheap rent that made it a cool place have been replaced with bars asking nearly a tenner for a rubbish cocktail and pubs that demand five British pounds for a pint that contains more water than a weak Ribena. It’s all very upsetting but this is the state of affairs you’re looking at.
I’ve been out in East London before, I’ve swanned about thinking I was cool just because I was close to where I thought the action was, I was still more me than I had ever been. People complain about gentrification but rarely notice that they are usually the ones contributing most detrimentally to an area becoming just a bit shit.
There are plenty of areas in the London that are cool and don’t have people wearing ray-bans at 1am. There are some that fulfil both criteria but these places are mostly filled with gurning loons. You should steer clear of it if you want a good time in a piratesque “’ere be sea monsters” kinda way.
Basically, just because you’ve gone to somewhere that has managed to keep alive the idea that it’s still cool and relevant, that doesn’t make you cool. If you look a little closer and listen to the conversations happening around you, you’ll hear some wannabe dickheads talking about how great the Mandy they took at the weekend was but how they literally died on Sunday night. Just don’t go, you’ll be a better person for it.