How To Hide A Hangover At Work

We’ve all done it. A bit of mid week drinking followed by 8 hours of absolute torture at work while you hide your wine-breath and resist vomiting in a bin.

Since we all know the only actual cure for a hangover is staying in bed, drinking tea and watching 27 back to back episodes of How I Met Your Mother, short of pulling a sickie and barricading yourself in your room, your only other possible plan of action is to hide what you can’t fix.

Step One: Acceptance
Cougar Town Tequila Courtney Cox Wasted Drunk Hungover

Before you can hide the hangover, you have to accept the fact this was your own fault. Don’t be blaming tequila, tequila loves you. Blame yourself for not knowing when to stop.

Step Two: Make No Attempt To Fix Yourself Up
Hangover Dying GIF Dead At Work
The only way to get through this with a little bit of dignity is by passing it off as an illness.

Step three: Stick With The Story “I Only Had One”
Thanks Champagne Love Alcohol Drunk Fun Hungover
Admitting you had a small drink makes your overall story more believable. They might smell the alcohol on your breath so it might be best if you don’t fake complete sobriety.

Step Four: Throw Off Suspicion By Blaming Something Else
Food Poisoning Restaurant Pregnant Sick Vomit Gross Bridesmaids
When in doubt, blame last nights kebab. Hangover sweats and cheap meat sweats are similar enough, trust me no one will know the difference. And being sent home from work for your bad choices of takeaway is far more acceptable than being sent home for your mid-week vodka addiction.

Step Five: Don’t Nap At Your Desk
Cameron Diaz Bad Teacher Hungover Pass Out Desk Sun Glasses GIF
Falling asleep at your desk pretty much translates to: “The Red Bull in my 7 double vodka Red Bulls just wore off and I need a nap”.

Step Six: Ban Your Friends From Tweeting About Your DrunkennessHangover Part 2 Hungover Sick Night Bitches GIF
Nothing ruins your plans to pass a hangover off as: illness, pregnancy, food poisoning or “I look this tired because I was up all night doing work” than your friends posting pictures of you passed out outside KFC on twitter.

Step Seven: Make It A 4 Day Weekend
Go Home Hangover Tired Exhausted GIF
Go home and don’t reemerge till Tuesday. If you’re going to successfully pull this off as anything other than a hangover, you’ve got to be off work for more than half a day. You don’t want to come in the next day looking fresh and fabulous and arise suspicions.

The only way you can prove that you’re a good employee who doesn’t get drunk and miss work is by missing more work than a hangover would warrant.

Miranda

Miranda

More from Miranda
Writer, producer and serial midnight snacker. Attempted funny person with a 40% success rate. Still thinks the most romantic couple of the century is Monica and Chandler Bing. Chooses work over sleep most days. Chooses spending over saving, every day. Has a degree in English Language & Literature and a Masters in Broadcast Journalism, but don’t be fooled, sometimes without meaning to, she uses the word ‘lol’ out loud. Tweet her @Mirandalife

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