How To Hide A Hangover At Work
We’ve all done it. A bit of mid week drinking followed by 8 hours of absolute torture at work while you hide your wine-breath and resist vomiting in a bin.
Since we all know the only actual cure for a hangover is staying in bed, drinking tea and watching 27 back to back episodes of How I Met Your Mother, short of pulling a sickie and barricading yourself in your room, your only other possible plan of action is to hide what you can’t fix.
Step three: Stick With The Story “I Only Had One”
Admitting you had a small drink makes your overall story more believable. They might smell the alcohol on your breath so it might be best if you don’t fake complete sobriety.
Step Four: Throw Off Suspicion By Blaming Something Else
When in doubt, blame last nights kebab. Hangover sweats and cheap meat sweats are similar enough, trust me no one will know the difference. And being sent home from work for your bad choices of takeaway is far more acceptable than being sent home for your mid-week vodka addiction.
Step Six: Ban Your Friends From Tweeting About Your Drunkenness
Nothing ruins your plans to pass a hangover off as: illness, pregnancy, food poisoning or “I look this tired because I was up all night doing work” than your friends posting pictures of you passed out outside KFC on twitter.
Step Seven: Make It A 4 Day Weekend
Go home and don’t reemerge till Tuesday. If you’re going to successfully pull this off as anything other than a hangover, you’ve got to be off work for more than half a day. You don’t want to come in the next day looking fresh and fabulous and arise suspicions.
The only way you can prove that you’re a good employee who doesn’t get drunk and miss work is by missing more work than a hangover would warrant.