Zumba’s Out, Vagina Weights Are In.

Always wanted to open pickle jars with your vagina? Well you’ve come to the right page.

Forget Zumba and Pilates, the next fitness craze is in and apparently it comes in the form of vagina weights.

Vagina Weights Jennifer Lawrence Exercise Keep Fit

We’re not talking Kegel exercises here, forget that clench and un-clench rubbish, this is the real deal. Heavy weights on your vagina. Honestly, why didn’t we think about this earlier?

Lucky for us Kim Anami who runs “Kung Fu Vagina” (no, really) is here to help us master this “essential life skill”. Her words not mine. She wants you to know that your vagina is numb and under-functioning.

Yes I’m looking at you. You with your tired and unfit vagina. Despite what you might think, if you can’t move around furniture with your vagina, then you’re simply using it wrong. But fear not, it’s nothing some vaginal iron pumping can’t fix.

So there you go. Vagina Weights. They make your sex lives better. Personally, (to paraphrase the words of Samatha Jones), my vagina weights for no man.

But, for those far braver than I, you’ve seen the why now it’s time for the how.

Step one: Find an egg shaped item.

Step two: Attach a rope.

Step three: Pop in the egg shaped item.

Step four: Attach your weight of choice to the other end of the rope.

Step five: Let the work out begin.

According to “Kung Fu Vagina” in no time at all you’ll be moving furniture with your vagina and even shooting ping pong balls out of it! I suppose with such tempting results, it’s only a matter before we’re seeing Vagina Weight classes on our local gym class rotas. Though until that day comes, for now, you might be best off doing them at home. 

Miranda

Miranda

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Writer, producer and serial midnight snacker. Attempted funny person with a 40% success rate. Still thinks the most romantic couple of the century is Monica and Chandler Bing. Chooses work over sleep most days. Chooses spending over saving, every day. Has a degree in English Language & Literature and a Masters in Broadcast Journalism, but don’t be fooled, sometimes without meaning to, she uses the word ‘lol’ out loud. Tweet her @Mirandalife

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