How To End Up On Top After A Break Up
The person who comes out on top, after a relationship, is the one who cares less. Simple. It’s not so important who is happiest, but who gives off the best illusion of happiness.
It doesn’t even particularly matter who broke up with whom, the most important thing is who deals with it the best.
Stereotypes dictate that women stay at home post break up, drink wine and cry into a tub of Ben & Jerry’s, whist men go out and rejoice their new found singledom. The truth behind this generalisation is that women are keen to share their emotions with anyone and everyone who will listen, while men are much better at keeping it together.
On the plus side, this tends to mean that 3 months down the line, men are still dealing with the break up, whilst us ladies have already ranted about it, cried about it, dealt with it and moved on.
When it comes to the post break up battle known as: who’s going to end up the happiest, I can’t tell you how to feel, but I can tell you how to act in order to end up on top. Because lets be honest, when you’ve been dumped, there’s nothing more satisfying, than making them regret it.
And when I say “tweet like nothing happened” I am NOT referring to the usual motivational break up quotes you copy and pasted from Google. Blasé is what we’re aiming for here. If you show you care too much one way or the other, you’ll only cement their decision.
No one wants to be with someone who can’t stand on their own too feet. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… needy isn’t sexy.
Don’t: Drunk call or text to tell them how much you miss them or how much they’ve hurt you.
Do: Avoid all communication with them.
So that means no sober calling or texting either. Us women are all about getting ‘answers’ or ‘closure’ but the fact of the matter is, no amount of hassling him will get you the answers you want. Instead you just make yourself available to them. By keeping the lines of communication open, they feel that you’re still there as an option, should they ever change their mind.
And for the record one-sided communication is forbidden too (stop internet stalking them and stop checking how many times a day they’ve been on Whatsapp).
Crying is perfectly acceptable. So long as it’s on your best friends shoulder and not outside his house or on his voice mail.
The reason he hasn’t as for them back yet, is because he’s using them as a back-up in case he changes his mind and wants to see you. If he asks to meet up you might say no, but if he asks for his things back, you have no choice but to meet with him.
Take back the power and leave them on his doorstep. Do not ring the door to hand them to him, do not leave an angry note with his belongings and no not text to tell him you’ve left them there.
Don’t: Go get a drastic hair change followed by a “new hair new start” status.
Do: Make sure you look fabulous at all times in case you bump into him.
Oh you were broken up with and so you changed you hair color? How very original. If you’re changing your hair color because you want to, then great. If you’re changing it because you think it will a) make you move on, or b) make him notice, then don’t bother.
You’re better spending that money on a hot new wardrobe. After all, there’s no better revenge than looking better without him, than you did with him.
Don’t: Change your Facebook profile picture every 2 minutes to get his attention.
Do: Go out looking amazing and get your friend to upload a few pics of the night.
You don’t need 15 profile picture changes to get his attention. You just need 1 great one. Preferably looking happy, sexy and most importantly, whilst actually out.
Everything you say will go back to him. If you act bitter, he’ll realize that you’re not fine at all.
You see, most women’s downfall when it comes to break ups, is trying to get him to understand you care. You’re worried that if you act like you don’t care, it will make him think he’s made the right decision and will move on even faster. But no. Men don’t work like that.
Seeing that you’re fine without him, is much more likely to make him want to come crawling back, whilst seeing you sad and bitter is unlikely to make him change his mind.
Don’t: pick up. Because he will, eventually call.
Do: Look incredibly smug and let that sh** go straight to voice mail.
I know most people would say this is “game playing” but if he dumped you out of the blue and then cut all contact with you, what obligation do you have to answer his calls? He was happy to ignore you, so why is it so hard to ignore him back?
Because you want to know what he has to say? Because you’re worried he’ll never call again? Because this might be your last chance with him. Doubtful. He’s probably only calling to see if you’ll pick up.
Ignoring him is the only thing that will really hurt. Ignoring a man is worse than any rambling essay text you could send him, because this will actually bother him. And don’t worry, he will ring again or follow it up with a text. And from one lady to another… I’d ignore that too.
I mean surely rule number one of break up’s, is that once a man has dumped you, you no longer have any obligation to pick up his calls?