Life Hacks: How To Fake It When You’ve Forgotten Someone’s Name
If I had a quid for every person’s name I’d ever forgotten, I’d have enough money to seek the medical help for my name-related-amnesia that I so desperately need.
It’s always the same sweat inducing story: you see them from across the room and in the little time it takes you to think “where the hell do I know that dude from” they’ve managed to smile, wave and begin walking towards you. All the while you’re standing there like:
And since there’s nothing worse than honesty in a time like this, the only thing left to do is learn how to fake it…
So what if you’ve only met them once before? And who cares if you don’t actually recall when that was or who the hell they are. Just smile and go with a confident “hey babe” or “what’sup sexy bum” and hope for the best.
At worst… they find you ridiculously forward and proceed to avoid all future contact with you, which incidentally solves the problem of having to work out their name. Everybody wins.
Find a nearby acquaintance and introduce them to this semi-stranger. “This is my good friend Rob…” and wait for them to respond with the inevitable “Hi Rob I’m….”
Genius. That is unless they stand their silently and wait for you to introduce them too. In which case the only thing left to do is begin sweating profusely and start waffling about something of no relevance.
When all else fails, casually drop in the Facebook line. Give them your full name and then wait by your laptop for a friend request. If for no other reason than the satisfaction of going “YES Janine that’s it!!” as if their name was going to come to you any moment and you hadn’t been waiting by Facebook for the last three days.
Throw a compliment at them to distract them from the fact you have no idea who they are or what they’re called.
Everyone loves a compliment. So much so, that it should distract them from the who the f*** are you look on your face.
Just mumble it. Luke sounds like John if you say it fast and quiet enough. Problem solved (ish).
So you meet a person, you talk all night, you make out and then it comes to the phone number exchanging portion of the evening. It’s too late to ask for their name, I mean you’ve already exchanged saliva for goodness sake, so you save them in your phone as “Shakazulu Girl” or “Gilgamesh Promoter” and decide to worry about solving the name mystery at a later date.
The later date being when you’re about to go on a first date and still have no bloody idea what they’re called. Next plan: Whatsapp!! And if they are using a nickname, instead of their real name you can either ask them outright what they’re really called. Or accept that it just wasn’t meant to be.
The truth is you should have done it right in the first place. It’s all about taking the name down with the number…
Give them your phone to put in their name and number, then grab it back before they return to home screen and you’re left with an extra contact saved under an unknown name.
Asking for their number, scenario 2: Whip out the old “can you spell that for me” and hope their name’s not Rob.
They type their number and give your phone back without adding a contact name. Say “how do you spell your name” and hope to God they’re not called Ann or Rob. If they are quickly add “I meant your surname”. Phew.
If your not up for faking it, then the final plan is to run away. Then immediately tweet about having left your glasses at home and being blind as a bat.