I’m Best Friends With The Manager, You’ll Get Free Drinks All Night, Trust Me Last Week I Partied With Drake”; The Lies Promoter Tell
Clubbing in London is pretty unique. Having drunkenly two-stepped my way across the dance floors of this countries clubs, (often with a stiff dougie) and being a promoter in some of London’s top night clubs I consider myself learned enough to make such a statement.
Night clubs and false pretenses go hand in hand; Girls in Louboutins and Louis Vuitton purses that are empty aside from a single (emergency) £20 pound note & an Oyster card. Men in crisp white shirts tucked into Hermes belts taking full advantage of the lack of reception and 3G access claiming to play for a Championship football team.
Smoke and mirrors my friends smoke and mirrors.
It’s the same with the club promoters. They should be the go-to people for access into the hottest club nights in towns, an inside scoop on where the celeb you have that crush on is going to be at come the weekend or maybe just the guy to get you that queue jump and sort out a few drinks.
The thing is, just like in an all industries, there will always be individuals that at their worst should not be trusted and at their very best should be taken with a pinch of salt. It’s often pretty hard to work out which promoters will lead you to one of the most amazing nights out clubbing of your life and which ones will swerve and disappear into the darkness the moment you ask about that table they promised.
Unfortunately just like with most relationships you’ll probably have to get burned a few times before you meet your perfect match.
Until then however here’s a few of the lies promoters will tell you just to get you out partying them:
1. “This is my other, other car”
Three words my friends Luxary Car Rentals. Any promoter that’s lied about this should hang their head in shame. Scratch that any man.
2. “World renowned International DJ Sh*TBeats this weekend”
Buzz words are often overused, unfortunately the promoter hitting up your inbox never grasped this concept.
So whilst he may think that making DJ Sh*tBeats from Peckham sound as a big deal as possible will have you searching for your dancing shoes whilst messaging him names for guestlist, you really couldn’t give two shits!
3. “Don’t worry about queuing, entry etc…I run the night”
Every body talks themselves up from time to time however it’s still my biggest irk in the promoting game. You see people, there are promoters and there are sub-promoters.
Promoters will run the event, liaise with the owners, book DJs in, perhaps on the odd occasion even arrange for a celebrity to attend the event oh and lets not forget manage sub-promoters.
Sub-Promoters will send you a broadcast or a tweet… Oh and forward on their guestlist to the promoter.
3. “Free drinks all night”
Really? Promoters tend to have deals with clubs that means they are given X amount of drinks for their guests. This is always within reason after all club owners are after a profit.
When that message pops up in your inbox from a promoter that goes something along the lines of “champagne showers and litre upon litre of Grey Goose at my table” it’s probably all a bit too good to be true. Unless of course you are a personal friend or have been out with that promoter before and have actually witnessed it for yourself.
4. “There’s only 2 tables left”
Promoters are hype men! The tables at the hottest clubs in town are always in high demand. I’ve often promoted nights when tables have sold out and the doors closed early because the club had hit capacity.
However if they have been sending you DMs, inbox messages, whatsapps, texts and snapchats since Monday telling you that there are only two tables left then you can be safe to know that those two tables will still be there come the night along with another 6-10.
5. So why are you here and Drakes over there in VIP?
Most promoters will have bumped into a celeb or two, it’s inevitable really, on rare occasions they may even spark up a friendship. However this doesn’t mean that you’ll automatically be getting an invite to an after party or even get to party with him in VIP on the night.
If a promoter you barely know or have not even met before sells you the dream of partying with celebs in VIP then it’s either a lie or the celeb in question is someone off Geordie Shore.