No Updates, No Pictures, No Selfies: Life Without A Mobile Phone
Though it’s hard to believe, there was a time when phones were not so smart; we couldn’t carry them around in our pockets and they didn’t rule our entire lives.
A time where lol was short for “lot’s of love” and flirting happened via MSN Messanger between home time and bed time. A time where you couldn’t be late for everything because you couldn’t send a “I’m running 10 minutes behind text” and a time, where flirting had nothing to do with using the wink face emoticon.
Now imagine life, if we were still in that mobile-phone-less world:
Followed by my old favorite: “Hi Mrs Tailor, is Jenny there?”
“Yes dear hold on… Jennnnnnnyyyy. JENNNNNY. PHONE!!! I SAID PICK UP THE PHOOOOONE. And don’t be 10 years I need to use the internet” Silence. “She’s coming dear”.
And since there wouldn’t be any texting either, we’d be forced to either pre-arrange actual human interactions or all become very close with our pets.
“But what if I wake up beautiful… how would everyone know?”
Because I don’t care what kind of brilliant deal my phone company claims to offer me on an annual basis. I haven’t once got my phone bill without it being at least £15 over what I’m supposed to pay. If I didn’t have a mobile phone bill, I’m pretty confident that by now I’d be living in a three bedroom house with a walk in wardrobe and a car that doesn’t leak every time it rains.
Not to mention we’d have to have the “who’s bringing their camera tonight” discussion every Saturday night. Followed by what existed before the “pre night-out bedroom selfie” – the club bathroom mirror selfie.
In a world where you can’t text someone to tell them you’re running late, if you don’t turn up on time, as far as they’re concerned, you’ve stood them up.
The world would be much more challenging place for those lacking in personality, because you don’t have 15 minutes to think of a witty reply when talking to someone face to face and not through Whatsapp, text or Facebook DM.
Though on the down side, you do have to worry about drunk calling someone’s land line. Which is much, much worse.
No more patting your trouser leg, no more emptying the entire contents of your bag, no more searching between your duvet covers, no more “can you call my phone…. oh s**t it’s on silent”.
If someone’s conversationally boring the hell out of you, you can’t just “forget to reply” to their last text.
You have to suffer through till the bitter end of the conversation. Or wait till they take a long enough breath for you to butt in with “oh I have to go, my mum needs the phone”.