What Men Really Mean When They Say…
Any idiot can tell you that men and woman are wired differently.
Whilst we seem to understand each other most of the time, truth be told we’re speaking in different tongues. You’re saying “I miss you” and he’s hearing “I want to have your babies”. He’s saying “My phone battery died” and you’re hearing “I got bored of texting you”.
In order to avoid any more misunderstandings, it’s time us girls learnt how to speak ‘man’.
Lets start this off:
He says: “I don’t want a relationship right now”
He means: “I don’t want a relationship with you”
A man in love is like a dog with a shiny new ball. Suddenly all other activities get pushed aside and replaced by you! If he’s not treating you like an exciting new object, you’re probably not… very exciting that is.
So if your man claims that he’s not looking for a relationship at the moment, it just means that he’s not looking for one with you. I know, I know, truth hurts and all.
He says: “It was a joke”
He means: “How was I meant to know you get so easily offended?!”
I have always preached that it is scientifically proven (my friends will vouch for this – as I used to say it to them ALL the time) that 50% of jokes are true and with guys the percentage is probably even higher.
If a guy insults you or loves to wind you up but claims he’s just “messing with you” then mark my word he is NOT joking! He has seen your reaction to his comment(s) and to stop you from getting offended or worse still, upset he has slipped in “it’s a joke” clever right?!?
“Have you put on weight” silence, your face drops “haha, I’m only kidding babe”. He’s not.
He says: “I need some space”
He means: “I need some space… forever”
This is pretty much one step away from break up! The only reason he’s asked for some “space” is because he’s hoping you’ll take the hint, never message him again and avoid him having to send you an awkward break up text/ email.
It’s too much for him and he wants out! I suggest you swiftly buy some wine and begin stage one of the man mourning process.
On a first date…
He says: “Should we split the bill?”
He means: “This is kind of expensive considering I don’t really like you that much”
‘You’re nothing special so I don’t want to spend money on you’ is roughly what this guy is actually saying.
If you find yourself paying for your own cinema ticket on a first date, well it’s pretty much down hill from there. So, let me save you the time and effort. If a man refuses to pay on a first date then something is wrong and it will only get worse!
He says: “What’s wrong babe?”
He means: “WHAT IS IT NOW!?”
On the outside he looks concerned, on the inside he’s thinking: “I wonder what she’s going to make a big deal out of now?” followed by “maybe she’s on her period again”. Followed by “I’m hungry”.
Though it’s not all break ups and break downs. We also have a couple of positive phrases in the elusive man-dictionary:
He says: “My family is asking about you”
He means: “My mum says I talk about you too much”
This definitely confirms that you are in a solid relationship with this dude. Nuff said. Sit back and enjoy! As this doesn’t happen very often.
He says: “My parents really liked you!”
He means: “I really like you”
This is code for I think I might be falling in love with you. Plain and simple. He’s a keeper. Now don’t crumble under the pressure.
Take it from me, men are simple creatures (can I say that? Oops just did) so handle them with care and learn to read them properly! The male lingo is simple, just assume 50% of what they say is not what they mean and you’re golden.