Naughty Things To Do While Single
Being in a relationship can be great, but you know what can be even greater? Being single.
So before you meet your man, don matching his and her t-shirts and run off into the sunset together here are some things to check off your single girl to-do list.
In no particular order:
1. Get embarrassingly drunk
I’m not talking getting your stomach pumped levels of drunk. Dancing on the bar and tripping over your own feet levels of intoxication will do. The sign of a good night is when you wake up the next morning and have to text your best friend to ask “did I do anything embarrassing last night”. For the record, if you have to ask the answer is probably “yes”.
2. Wear something inappropriate to a club
The most common phrase used by boyfriends the country over is probably “forget it… you’re not wearing that out”. Why do you think most boyfriends take their girls out to dinner so often? It’s not to be romantic. It’s to make them too chubby to feel comfortable in their mini dresses. Leggings and peplum tops here you come.
3. Hook up with someone purely for their looks
The hotter the better. They say love is blind, which roughly translates to “your boyfriend is ugly but it’s okay because he’s nice”. Despite all your best intentions of dating a Robert Pattinson look-alike, there’s a good chance you’ll end up with someone who falls into the “but he’s got a good personality” category. Get the sexy six pack look out of your system now, so you have something to reminisce about when your love life starts drying up.
4. Dance to “single ladies” with conviction in a club
Whether we like it or not, Single Ladies is the single girl’s anthem and it has to be done at least once. Dance around in a circle with all your single girlfriends (with your handbags on the floor in the middle, naturally) and throw some shapes while every guy goes and gets a drink and bitches about what an awful song it is.
5. Make your friends in relationships jealous of how much fun you’re having
Even if you’re not. Whilst your friends in relationships brag about getting yet another “me to you” teddy bear, you get to brag about your naughty escapades and marathon flirting sessions.
6. Get a new hobby
Single people naturally have more time on their hands. Instead of using that time to contemplate how wonderful life would be if you had someone to make out with on a boring Sunday night, do something constructive. Or not so constructive, whatever. Just do something:
7. Kiss a stranger
Why not? We all start as strangers anyway and it’s best to get the kissing out of the way first. It’s a common misconception that you should wait before kissing a man. But let’s face it, you don’t want to like someone only to then find out they’re a terrible kisser.
Plus, the downside of being single is not being able to give your lips the much needed exercise they need. Think of lip locking a stranger in the corner of a club as the mini gym session your mouth so desperately needs.
8. Go clubbing three days in a row and then pull a sickie on Monday
Does it even count as a sickie? Your head hurts and you can barely talk, let alone get out of bed. Sounds pretty sick to me.
9. Act like a complete weirdo
Why not? You’ve got no one to impress so you might as well let your true colours shine. The first three months of a relationship usually involve trying not to let the guy see what a freak you are, so you might as well let your inner strange out while you can. Make the most of being able to let your strangeness (awesomeness) run free and you never know, it might even work in your favour. Don’t hold me to it, but apparently quirkiness is in.
10. Get to know a promoter.
One of the perks of having a boyfriend is having someone to buy your dirty martinis for you. Every single girl’s must-have substitute boyfriend is her promoter. Who needs a man with a credit card when they can have a promoter with free vodka?
11. Buy yourself lavish Christmas and Valentine’s Day presents
Take the money you would have spent on Christmas presents for your boyfriend… and spend it on yourself. It’s the only logical thing to do. Plus there’s nothing like a pair of Gianmarco Lorenzi heels to take away the sting of having no one to kiss under the mistletoe this Christmas.
12. Do something you’ll regret.
After all, they say all the best things in life are bad for you. So go on, be bad now that you have no one but your friends to judge you.
Bad decisions make good stories and what is life without a few lols?
If possible please link to my twitter at the end @mirandalife