Is It Okay To Look Through Your Partners Phone?
If your boyfriend has cheated on you, the chances are there is some evidence of it on their phone. That being said if he has hasn’t cheated, I’m sure you will still find something on his phone to make you wonder if he has.
Whether you’ve been dating someone a week or a year, the thought of them so much as touching your phone can be enough to make you break out in a stress induced sweat. Yet if the opportunity arose, would that stop you from looking at theirs?
Mobile phones are like a digitised version of someone’s bedroom, if you look through enough draws, the chances are you’ll come across something you wish you hadn’t. My advice, though so many of you will choose to ignore it, is that no good will come of snooping.
Most women would argue, that if he is being faithful then a bit of phone spying won’t make any difference because he won’t have anything to hide and if he is cheating, well you’ve just saved yourself another 2-3 months with someone who obviously can’t keep it in his Calvin Klein’s.
The problem is that even if you do find something incriminating on his phone, by the end of the argument he’ll probably be blaming you for going down his phone. Just think of it as finding evidence without a warrant, it doesn’t matter what it proves, it’s still not admissible in court. If he cheats, he lies and if he lies he’ll be able to convince you that whatever you read was from a ‘friend’, or a ‘happily married colleague’ or from a ‘mate’ joking around and that you just read it all wrong. Whilst you might not necessarily believe him, you will be stuck with even more uncertainty than before.
Then even if you don’t find anything, you’ll think that’s evidence in itself. My best friend once dated a guy, who was foolish enough to forget his phone in her car. She later told me that his mobile was “just too innocent” and she was convinced he’d been on a message deleting spree before their date. “The only women in his inbox were his mother, me and his cousin who I’ve met. I bet he left his phone in my car on purpose. Who does he think he’s fooling!?” I’m not sure if she was crazy, a genius or had simply watched too many episodes of CSI. Either way the relationship swiftly fizzled out, he was soon-after renamed “liar Dave” and my best friend spent the next three months in a committed relationship with Dairy Milk.
Whether he was a liar or not, we’ll never know but the moral of this story is that going through someone’s phone will never lead to any good.
Some might argue that once you’re in a serious relationship, having full access to each other’s lives is the key to a successful partnership. I say password protect your phones and learn that a bit of mystery never killed anyone.
Trust can be a hard thing to master; the trick is to learn the difference between a standard amount of personal privacy and unreasonable phone safeguarding.
If their phone rings whilst they’re driving or otherwise occupied and they ask you to “check who it is” you’re probably in the clear, these are not the actions of a man who has something to hide.
If they have a password on their phone, that’s normal. If they won’t under any circumstances give you that password… that could be a warning sign.
If they’re receiving text messages while they’re with you, that’s normal. Turning off all their on-screen message alerts however, might be an attempt to keep you from seeing who the texts are coming from.
If he is always on his phone, unfortunately in this day and age that’s probably normal. If he gets annoyed when you ask him “who he’s texting” then you probably do have something to worry about.
The truth is, when you’re dating someone you never really know how honest they are and so some domestic espionage in the name of uncovering the truth might seem like a good idea. But before you steal his phone, lift his fingerprint off a glass to get passed the fingerprint scanner, read all his Facebook inbox messages and scroll through every one of his texts, take a second to contemplate how you’d feel if the tables were turned.
If your need to sneak remains to surpass all logic then we’re left with one of two possible reasons: either he’s a liar and you know it (but for some reason need hard evidence before kicking his arse to the kerb), or you’re a crazy person who needs a lesson in personal boundaries.
Whilst neither option is particularly appealing, only you can decide which it is.