An Open Letter To Facebook: I Love You But You're Pissing Me Off

An Open Letter To Facebook: I Love You But You're Pissing Me Off

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An Open Letter To Facebook: I Love You But You're Pissing Me Off

Oh Facebook; can’t live with it, can’t live without it. Well we can but planning events and getting updates on TV shows would be a lot harder. Facebook is one of those things that just slots so perfectly into our lives.

Need to organise an event? No problem; Facebook. Can’t be bothered to send a birthday card? No problem; Facebook. Trying to hook up with someone? Facebook. Wanna show off your holiday photos with everyone you know? Facebook.

Using FB has become just as much a part of everyday life as brushing your teeth or making a cuppa – it has to be done at least twice a day or we start to feel a bit weird without it.

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But as wonderfully convenient as Facebook is, we can’t all help but curse the gods when it doesn’t go our way. We’ve all experienced this new breed of fury that only comes from social network grievances and yes, some of us deal with it better than others…I’m not one of those people.

Annoying Adverts

Facebook, if you’re so smart then why do you keep showing me pictures of food when I’m clearly trying to diet!? Didn’t you read my last status about going to the gym? You can fuck right off with your half price burgers and your free Starbucks…God, I want burgers and Starbucks.

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I Haven’t Added Them Because They’re NOT MY FRIENDS!

Social networking connects people, but please Facebook, stop trying to connect me to perfect strangers. I couldn’t care less that 4 of my friends posted on ‘Liam Smith’s’ timeline because I DON’T KNOW LIAM SMITH! Quit suggesting people. I don’t know her, or her, or him, or…actually I DO know him but that’s beside the point.

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Unwanted Invitations

F**K OFF, CANDY CRUSH!

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The ‘Other’ Inbox

So let me get this straight. For two years, I’ve had messages hidden in a second ‘secret’ inbox I didn’t know I had and definitely don’t need? And now the people who sent me messages think I’m an ignorant bitch for not replying. And to top it all off, I can’t actually delete those messages so I’m reminded of my accidental ‘air’ every time I visit this other inbox?

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Stop Cramping My Style and Let Me Have a Bigger Profile Picture!

I want people to see my whole face in the selfie I just took, so stop making me crop out either half of my forehead or 4 inches of my hair when I try to make it my profile picture! Once upon a time you would adjust to suit my needs, now you expect me to accept your limitations…what happened!?

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Encouraging the Stalker Within

Facebook, you make it so hard to fancy someone without turning into a psycho stalker.

I am too easily tempted into looking at their page likes to find out what TV shows they watch, what music they listen to, and what parties I can ‘accidentally’ bump into them at. Who is this person who keeps commenting on their status, and what is going on between them? Oh, look how much they’ve changed since 2010! And they were online 5 minutes ago? Why didn’t they reply to my last message then!?

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Stop F**king Me Over, You Grass!

I reserve the right to delete someone’s post from my newsfeed without being guilted into telling Facebook why. The video that keeps playing over and over again (despite me NEVER pressing play) is annoying me – plain and simple. The second you lure me into telling you what’s wrong, you file a report…WHICH YOU REJECT ANYWAY.

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My Newsfeed is Chronologically Challenged

I just answered my friend’s question about what she should wear for work today…it was posted 19 hours ago.

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