How To Please A Woman in 7 Simple Steps
Pleasing your woman can be hard. It takes a lot of effort and a huge amount of patience to get there. But what kind of man wouldn’t be up for such a challenge?
Of course, as successful as you might think you are in the woman pleasing department, everybody needs some help in improving their technique. So we’ve put together a seven-step guide to the utmost female satisfaction. Read it, boys, and try to last all the way to the end.
If you want your girlfriend to feel great around you, you have to take the time to stimulate her senses – and there’s only one way to do that. Long and deep conversations, endless hours of High Street shopping and watching chick flicks on telly while holding hands.
It’s emotional, it’s intimate, it’s arousing (for her, at least) and, if by the end of it you haven’t gone too far down your feminine side, it can even lead to sexual activity!
You don’t have to search the web for wild ideas, you don’t have to dress up as a fireman or a doctor and you don’t have to convince her to squeeze into that old, mangy maid costume. Hell, you don’t even have to take your clothes off to nail this challenge (sorry).
All you have to do is be James Bond, Batman, David Beckham, Superman, Mr. Big, Mr. Bean, Sherlock Holmes, Chuck Norris, Bruce Lee, Carry Grant, Ben Stiller, Ryan Gosling, Harry Potter, George Clooney, Don Juan and Romeo, while not forgetting to be domineering, compassionate, hard, soft, funny, serious, timid, courageous, an animal, a human being, a friend a lover, a father, a god. At the same time. 24/7.
Really, how hard can it be?
If you want to go down as the greatest pleasure giver of all times get over your inhibitions and use your mouth to satisfy her. By talking.
There’s no awkward moments to be confronted, no juicy-tips to be found, no untold secrets of the female body only a guru in India can let you in on.
Just tell her she’s beautiful, thin, smart, thin, amazing, thin, the love of your life, oh, and thin. You can even do it in public and with her girlfriends watching. It’s not sleazy, it’s cheesy – but it sure as hell is mind-blowing.
There’s nothing that can arouse a woman more than to let her be on top. Of everything.
Having the final say over choosing a movie, a restaurant, an outing, deciding over holiday destinations, dinner with friends or the color of the curtains is guaranteed to make her shake with contentment.
This is a position in which the male has a limited range of motion, so all you macho types have to do is lie on your back and watch her glow in fulfillment as she wins all arguments.
But, for God’s sake, don’t forget to be assertive while you’re at it. Girls don’t like the needy type!
If you’ve ever caught a glimpse of your girlfriend’s Comso you probably know that women like dirty. And we do. But let’s just get one thing straight: that doesn’t mean you can’t don the maid outfit every once in a while.
Keep your dirty desires for the bedroom and fulfill ours by washing those dishes every once in a while, eh?
Girls can be a bit timid when it comes to asking a guy to fulfill their fantasies, so you’ll have to take initiative and be creative. You’ll have to guess what they need and do it without them suggesting it first. That way, you’ll be offering real pleasure.
“But how?” you ask.
Well. See that IKEA bookcase box that’s been lying in the living-room for weeks? Do you think it’s going to build itself? Well, it isn’t. And your girlfriend is not going to do it either. So get your hammers out, boys, and start banging those nails. Chances are, she’ll melt to the ground and to thank you… she might fulfill some of your fantasies.
It’s true, it doesn’t. And that goes for bums too, so don’t be shy when it comes to buying us donuts. Nothing turns us on like desserts we didn’t have to pay for.