Rules for dating my daughter
You know every girl you’ve ever met has a dad? I know, crazy thought. You never really imagine that when you look at them through bleary eyes. In fact, it may just be the last thought in your mind at that stage. The first I probably, “You see that girl over there? I wanna hit that”. Poetry that would make even Shakespeare go weak at the knees.
Alas, it’s true. All girls have fathers and these fathers, you would hope, expect their daughters to be treated in a certain way. That is not to be fucked around, to find someone who cares and for them to be absolutely wedged so that he can sponge off his daughter’s new found vast wealth. Alas, material wealth will always be secondary on my list. Here’s I want for my future daughter…
No to any upcoming rappers
I’ve got no time for anyone that’s going to wear a hoodie four sizes too big. If he says ‘dawg’, I’m afraid you don’t qualify.
No Russell Brands
This guy can talk a good game but Katy Perry’s old man must have been waiting for it all to fall apart from day one.
The last thing I need at Christmas dinner is to be conversing with a high functioning sociopath who can tell what I’ve been doing for the last four days. It’s just not polite table conversation.
No to all three of these guys
Lads, come on…
No to ankle accessories
No Counter Culture Revolutionaries
The last thing I need for this future daughter is for her to be dating a figment of someone else’s imagination. Oh, you haven’t seen Fight Club? Gutted.
You just know that a footballer would be a nightmare.
No Nick Millers
He’s going to continue turning lemonade into lemons as far as I’m concerned.
YES to Schmidt
Schimdt’s ace. I would completely condone this. Just look at the guy, that’s romance right there.