Sex: Expectations vs reality
Sex is supposed to be a pretty basic, instinctive act. But sadly, it just doesn’t always run as smoothly as we’d like…
So what do us ladies really expect from our sex lives and how do those ‘sexpectations’ measure up to reality? The bitter truth is that fantasy is rarely a friend of the real world and here are some of the rookie errors we all make when imagining our perfect shag…
Expectation: On a night out, a guy will find us irresistible and march us home for a hot night of passion as soon as physically possible.
Reality: As far as he’s concerned we’re not going anywhere and his mates are still buying shots so what’s the hurry? He’ll call a taxi when the bar closes.
Expectation: When the time finally comes to look ‘hot’ whilst getting naked, we expect to look like Julia Roberts in ‘Pretty Woman’.
Reality: Looking sexy whilst taking off skinny jeans is simply not possible. Fact.
Expectation: Trying different positions will be so much fun and will feel amazing!
Reality: We’ll spend the whole time worrying about looking unattractive from certain angles and totally forget to at least fake an orgasm.
Expectation: We’ll finish up and lay there in the silence, listening to our own heavy-breathing and feeling totally serene like in the movies.
Reality: Sex is messy. Afterwards comes the awkward run to the bathroom for some tissue paper and an emergency clean-up session. Sorry ladies but the movies LIE.
Expectation: Shower sex is literally the sexiest idea ever and we have to try it ASAP.
Reality: It’s not fun, it’s stressful and straight up dangerous. After a major fail, we end up alone and actually showering instead…okay and crying.
Expectation: Wearing sexy lingerie under our normal clothes will be a massive treat for him and we’re secretly giving ourselves ‘kudos’ for being so spontaneous.
Reality: Sexy lingerie SUCKS. Period. We spend our entire night hoping he won’t notice our constant need to remove our knickers from our butts and pray that no one catches the vibrators in our handbags.
The Morning After
Expectation: We wake up looking so majestic and pure that he’ll want to have morning sex immediately.
Reality: We look like this: