How To Successfully Lie In A Relationship
When it comes to relationships, I’ve always been very clear about one thing: I want honesty. Just to clarify, what I mean is that I want honesty… as long as you say exactly what I want to hear.
Some lies in a relationship are just mandatory. “Do I look fat in this” “No” “Was your ex hotter than me?” “Hell no” “Were you just checking that girl out” “What girl?” “I’m not waxed, do you mind if we just snuggle” “Of course not” “Do you think I’m pretty” “The prettiest!”
If a man is willing to tell me that he thinks I’ve lost weight, then I’m willing to pretend to believe him. That is the key to successful a relationship. If a woman really wanted to know if her diet was working, she’d ask the scales, if she’s asking her boyfriend its reassurance she’s after not truth.
Everybody lies because most people can’t handle the truth. If I spend a lot of money on a non-refundable gift which my boyfriend hates, do I expect him to tell me he thinks it’s a bit shit? No, because then we’d both be unhappy. I would expect him to frame the picture of the Mexican Donkey named Benjey that he is now sponsoring and learn to hint better in future about what he does and doesn’t consider an appropriate Christmas present.
The real question is how many lies do we actually need to tell in order to make a relationship work?
The problem with most lies is that people don’t seem to know where to draw the line. They take the mandatory “yes I like your family” and raise you an unnecessary “that girl who text me? Yeah she’s my cousin… no one you haven’t met.”
If you ask me, lying has got a bad stigma because of people who don’t know when to stop. If you are of average intelligence and above you’ll eventually realise if you’re dating a compulsive liar. Their stories (usually the insignificant ones they didn’t give much thought to) begin to crack and it will inevitably leave you wondering what else they might be lying about.
In an ideal world we wouldn’t lie at all, that being said, every liar reading this is in good dishonest company, because while we hate the lies, none of us can actually help but tell them.
We are probably all collectively to blame. If someone takes two days to return my call I would much rather the obligatory “I’m sorry I’ve been so busy” than the truth “I’m sorry I just couldn’t be bothered to talk to you and only called you back today because the longer I left it the more awkward it would be”.
White lies are built on political correctness, empathy and the desire not to offend. Anything outside of that is probably selfish and you should stop. Relationships cannot be built on lies. They can however be built on 90% truth and 10% kind omissions (which for the record, is what I consider tiny white lies to be).