How To Tell If Your Girlfriend Is Hotter Than You
You know she’s hot, that’s why you’re dating her, but is there a chance that she’s too hot, for you?
When you’re walking down the street, with your girl on your arm, you want people to look at her and think “wow” not “wow, what the f*ck is she doing with him”. Of course, if you do fall into the “mismatch” category, it’s not the end of the world: at worst people think she’s with you for your money, at best they assume you’re amazing in bed.
Either way, it’s nice to know if you are in fact the dating equivalent of Abbey Clancy and Peter Crouch (sorry Peter), so here are some tale tell signs to look out for:
1. She’s had to turn off her notifications on insta due to the constant pinging from likes
She gets more likes on one selfie than you have on all your pictures combined. Or worse, when she uploads a picture of herself she gets 50 plus likes, but when she uploads one of the two of you together, it gets 1 like, from you.
2. You get the feeling your boys invite you out just to bring her along
Your boys are always telling you to bring her with you on nights out. Then when she does come, they talk to her more than they talk to you. Don’t start locking her in a cage just yet, there is an exception to the rule, if her best friend is a model (or at the very least model-esque) they might just be hoping she brings her along.
If not then they probably want to screw her. Don’t worry though; I’m sure they actually won’t.
2. The (inappropriate) banter
People keep jokingly asking how you managed to pull her. After a while you begin to wonder whether they are actually joking. You know the drill “where the hell did you meet a girl like that?” or “man you must have a huge…” Yes, ha ha, ha.
4. She’s not funny but everyone still laughs
She often tells stories or jokes that aren’t funny yet everyone still laughs. You’ve given up on trying to understand why people find her hilarious. This is also known as Zooey Deschanel syndrome: her face is so good, that it compensates for all the stuff that comes out of her mouth.
5. Her friends describe you as “lovely” or “sweet”
Okay it’s not the worst thing to be known as, but then it’s not in the same league as “hot” or “such a catch”. Of course, if you’re really aiming high, then the 5 little words you want to hear from her friends are “does he have a brother”. This pretty much translates to “he’s won the genetic lottery and since I can’t date him, I’d like a clone please”.
6. It’s been a month and you’ve considered putting a ring on it.
7. Her ex looks like he could be a model
You’ve seen photo’s of her ex and you have a slight man crush on him, your ex looks made you look like a model. The difference between men and women is that a beautiful woman will date an ugly man. A beautiful man will rarely date an ugly woman. So, if her ex looks like he belongs on the front cover of Men’s Health, then so does she.
8. Other girls look at her, a lot.
In fact as of late you’ve noticed that the few looks you once got from girls walking by are now being sent her way.
9. You’re paranoid whenever she is out with the girls
Despite her never giving you a reason not to trust her you cant help but wonder what she is up to on a night out. If on a Friday night your girl is partying and you’re on twitter, ‘subtly’ waiting to see if she has any updates from her night out, then you’ve got a bad case of the hot-girlfriend syndrome.
Next thing you know you’ll start wondering if you should do a ‘casual’ drive by and surprise her and her friends for a drink, to scout the place for potential threats and let them know she’s taken. Or at the very least stand in front of her as a human shield and block her from all possible view.
If you’re checking a few too many of the above boxes then I’m sorry to tell you she’s probably out of your league. But you got her anyway, so really the jokes on us my friend.
Twitter Handle: @mirandalife