Things We Would All Love To Say Out Loud At Work
Sometimes, the best part of going to work is getting to sit on a chair that swivels. Keeping your job is the new pay rise and toilet breaks are the new lunch hour.
So whilst most of us spend the day drowning our true thoughts in coffee, the rest of us work twice as hard at avoiding a “oh, did I just say that out loud” moment, than we do actually working. For the record, things which you probably shouldn’t say out loud if you want to win Employee Of The Month, include:
“Sure, Why Not, There’s Nothing I Love More Than Unpaid Overtime”
What we want to say: Oh it’s 5:30pm and you just remembered that there’s a stack of urgent paper work you want me to do? Goody, there’s nothing I love more than working for free. I mean it’s not that much less money than what I usually get anyway.
What we actually say: Yeah, sure, no problem, I’ll just call my family and let them know I won’t be home for dinner…
“You Must Save So Much Time In The Morning By Not Showering…”
What we want to say: You smell like a deceased fox.
What we actually say: Are we allowed to light scented candles at work?
“Sure I Have 2,387 Things To Do, But I’d Love To Get You A Coffee First”
What we want to say: Oh great, you’ve given me 57p for a £2.50 coffee from Starbucks. Would you be liking change back from that?
What we actually say: One sugar or two?
What we actually say: Yeah, of course, I’ve nearly finished.
“I’ll Try Being Nicer If You Try Being Smarter…”
What we want to say: It’s shocking to me that after 7 years of working here, I still have to climb three flights of stairs on a weekly basis to fix your “broken” computer, which is in fact just turned off.
What we actually say: Sure, I’m coming up now.
“I Don’t Get Paid Enough For This Sh*T”
What we want to say: Oh, you want me to do you’re job for you again? Wonderful. I’d love to help. I don’t want your work eating into your Facebook surfing time.
What we actually say: Okay, email it over.
What we actually say: Eh, I can hold it till I get home… in 6 hours time.
What we actually say: Sounds great, I’ll have a Virgin Daiquiri.